My Best Friend’s Wedding

My Best Friend’s Wedding/BtVS crossover, answer to a challenge from Liv, in which you have to use the plot of MBFW, using only Buffy and Faith, and no other characters from the Buffyverse, you must remove the supernatural elements, and a whole bunch of other stuff which is mentioned in the notes!


Characters: , , ,

Pairing: ,

Genre: , , , ,



Length: words


  • To see Liv’s rules in full about this challenge, go to the final “chapter” of this fic – the reason it’s at the end is because I’ve made notes on several of them, explaining why I did or did not do this, which might spoil the fic, if you’ve not read it before.
  • There is no supernatural events in this story. As Liv said, no vamps, slayers or demons of any kind.
  • I broke one of Liv’s rules about people from the Buffy/Angel-verse, but I think you’ll see that it gives plenty of leeway for Buffy being nasty about the person in question.
  • *aggressive voice* One of Liv’s rules is that they don’t get together. You got a problem with that, you bother her, not me. Ok? *back to normal, pleading please-don’t-hurt-me-voice* I know ‘Star’ is becoming a swear word on this list because of Just Good Friends, but this time it’s Liv’s call, not mine, so please don’t hurt me.

Chapter 1

“Hey! Ha, ha, ha! Fooled you. You’re talking to a machine. But don’t be shy, machines need a lot of love too. Leave a message for Buffy after the tone.”

“Fucking answer phones,” muttered Faith. Where was her best friend when she needed her? She dutifully left a message and hoped B would call her back pronto.

“You have three messages. Message one.” Announced the synthetic voice that grated on Buffy’s nerves. Especially when drunk.

“B! Where the fuck are you? It’s Tuesday! It’s frigging Tuesday! You never go out on Tuesdays. I know it’s your birthday, but it’s still Tuesday! Where the fuck are you? Damn it! Ah, screw it, I’ll call you back. Bye. Happy birthday. Bye.”

Buffy smirked and moved over to get herself a glass of water before calling Faith back. She needed something to fight her impending hangover. No, a night out with Tim had not been a good idea. Why did she agree to it?

“Second Message.”

“And B, for fuck’s sake, change the fucking message. You’re not Sarah Connor, so don’t abuse a good movie reference. Call me. Or I’ll call you. Whatever. Ah fuck it. Whichever happens first.”

She grinned again and took a sip of her water.

“Third Message.”


Buffy spat her water out inelegantly as she listened to Faith’s final message. There was an agonising moment when she thought she was going to throw up or die – or possibly both – but she managed to catch her breath and return to the land of the living.

“Ooooh,” she murmured, mainly to double check her vocal chords hadn’t died when she choked on the water. “Bad birthday.” She took a gentle sip of her water, careful not to choke again.

“I feel old.” She told the wall. Since she lived alone the wall had become a close confidante. “I’m twenty-eight today. Twenty-frigging-eight. Twenty-eight and not even dating anyone, let alone married…” Buffy tailed off, as something began to click in her mind.

“Faith, calm down.”

“How can I calm down? He finished with me for a god-damned stick insect!” Faith sobbed into her glass of vodka.

“She was thinner than you?” Buffy asked.

“No, she was fatter. It’s just she was so ugly she was sprouting antennae! I mean, she’s all bony in funny places and her hair is so greasy it drips!”

Buffy hugged Faith closer to her. “He’s an asshole, Fai. We’ve been saying that for weeks.”

“That’s what makes it worse!” Faith’s face had turned an alarming red colour as a fresh deluge of tears started. “He’s a loser, she’s a stick insect and somehow they’re happier than I am.”

“Shhh.” Buffy murmured soothingly. “Don’t worry, Fai. I’m always here for you. You can do a lot better than him. You don’t need him.”

“I’m never gonna get the hang of relationships, am I?”

“Sure you are. Besides, you’re not even eighteen yet, you’ve got plenty of time to get the hang of it.” Buffy stroked Faith’s back, wondering why the idea of Faith meeting someone who wasn’t a loser bothered her so much. She didn’t begrudge Faith happiness, but there was something inside her that hoped Faith would always be around for her alone.

Buffy shrugged off the feeling. She hadn’t dated anyone seriously for about six months, she was probably having an insecurity attack or something. She was probably just worried that Faith would settle down before her.

“You’ll always have me.” She said, then tried to lighten the mood with a joke. “And if you never get the hang of relationships,I’ll marry you.”

“You’d do that for me?” Faith brightened a little.

“Sure. It would be cool. I mean, we’re best friends, marriage would be a doddle.”

“Thanks, B.” Faith hugged her.

Buffy held Faith a little longer than necessary. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t want to let go.

“Um, B. Can’t breath here.” Faith joked lightly.

Buffy let go of Faith, and wracked her brains for a quick subject change. Her eye was caught by a bit of pink plastic embedded in the carpet. “Oh! It’s a Barbie ring.” She exclaimed.

“And you have this, why?”

“My niece Amelia was here earlier. Well, technically she’s not my niece, what with me being an only child, but she calls me Auntie Buffy, so I call her my niece.” Stop babbling, Buffy, she cautioned herself. “Here you go, wear this.” She handed it to Faith. “If you are gonna marry me, this can be your engagement ring.”

Faith took the ring and put it on, her finger began to turn purple almost immediately. “Not only does it not suit me, but it’s also too small, B.” She grinned. “When do I get my real ring with a huge diamond?”

“Whenever you finally admit defeat in the dating game and marry me!” Buffy grinned back at her. “Do you think we should have a cut-off date? I mean, I don’t want to get wed when I’m sixty and too old and saggy to look good in the photos.”

“How about ten years from now?” Faith suggested playfully. “Twenty-eight, young enough to look good in photos, but old enough to have given up on men.”

“I’m a month older than you.”

“Fine, cut-off date is my twenty-eighth birthday then.” Faith smiled.

She picked up the phone and dialled Faith’s number.

End Notes:

Thanks to: (cue Oscar style speech)

+ Big fat thanks to Rach, damn it! Stop hitting me with the spikey stick. It’s finished. Now, get off your arse and type the next part of Looking For A Saviour.

+ Kitty, you essentially gave me the idea for this fic.

+ Sway, your feedback rocks.

+ Sar, nice to see you writing again – sorry it’s taken me so long to say so.

+ Elaine, Taz is all yours (to borrow), I think Taz and I need some time apart.

+ Alan, your constant feedback is wonderful.

+ Jaime, ditto, I’d be a rotten person if I didn’t say thank you publicly.

+ Chantal, thanks for posting the next part of Breakdown, you rock.

+ And everyone else who’s ever given this fic a cursory glance. Cheers.

Chapter 2

“Hey, this is Faith, I’m not in, so leave a message. Unless, of course, you’re a burglar, in which case I’m poised behind my front door with a pack of Alsatians and a big knife. I leave the choice of what you do up to you. But don’t wait for the beep and hang up because that really gets on my nerves. Cheers.”

Buffy smirked at Faith’s latest answer phone message. “Fai, it’s B. You left three insane messages on my answer phone. I feel obligated to do the same. I’m gonna hang up and think of two funny things to say. Bye.”

Buffy hung up, she was drunk as hell, but couldn’t think of anything funny to say to Faith. Finally she decided just to ring twice, wait for the beep and hang up.

She hit the redial button, and was just about to hang up when Faith picked up.

“Hey, I’m here, don’t hang up!”

“Hey, Faith.”

“Buffy! I’m so glad you called!”

Buffy was instantly taken aback by Faith using her full name. She had only once referred to her as Buffy, and that was when she had introduced her to her parents. Faith never called her anything but B. And come to think of it, hadn’t Fai sounded a little off on the messages? Nothing she could really put her finger on, just a little more Faith-like than normal. What could make Faith act strange? Was she remembering their pact too?

“B? You there?”

“Sorry, Fai. Bit drunk.” Buffy replied, her mind whirling with possibilities. “It’s so good to hear from you. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Faith answered warmly. “You know what I keep thinking about recently?”

“What?” Buffy held her breath in anticipation. Why was the thought of marrying Faith having such an effect on her? Her hands were actually shaking.

“That pact we made. Did you know I’ve still got that ring you gave me?”

Buffy let out a shaky breath. “Really?” Her voice came out a lot breathier than she meant it to.

“Yeah, it goes everywhere with me. It reminds me of you.” Faith gave an embarrassed laugh. “Sorry, didn’t mean to get all sentimental on you.”

“No, no.” Buffy prayed Faith would continue. “It’s fine. Good. Excellent even. I mean, we’re friends, and we miss each other and it’s understandable that—”

“B, you’re babbling. Don’t worry, I don’t want to cash in on that pact. I’m not gonna dyke out on you.”

Tears suddenly appeared in Buffy’s eyes and her throat constricted for the second time that evening. She didn’t know why it hurt so much, but it did. She didn’t trust her voice, so she kept quiet.

“B! You still there? Damn these long distance phone calls.”

“Here!” Buffy managed a strangled squeak, under the circumstances it was the best she could do.

“Oh, I freaked you out, didn’t I?” Faith’s voice took a concerned tone. “You were really scared that I was phoning up to ask you to marry me. I’m sorry, B. Didn’t mean to scare you. Honestly. This should brighten you up, I’m getting married.”

“Married? I thought you…” Buffy was confused, and the tears was flowing freely. She couldn’t even work out why she was crying, much less stop the tears.

“Not to you, silly.” Faith laughed. “To a guy! I finally got the knack of relationships! He’s absolutely wonderful.”

“Unk.” Buffy muttered. It was the only sound she could make.

“Yeah, that was my first thought when he asked me, but it just makes sense.” Faith laughed again.

Buffy slid down the wall, wiping away tears. She reached for her cigarettes.

“You not going to congratulate me then?” Faith asked playfully.

“I—well, I mean… It’s just, well. Um. Terrific. Yay.” Buffy tried to sound perky.

“Oh, hon. I scared you didn’t I?”

“Well, kinda, I mean—”

“But the fact that I’m marrying a guy should allay your fears. I’m straight. I’m not hot for your bod, B.”

Buffy abandoned her glass of water and crawled towards the bottle of vodka she hid in her video cabinet for emergencies.

“That’s great.” She muttered, uncapping the bottle and taking a big swig.

“So when can you come out here?”

Buffy spat out her drink again. “Where? What?”

“Oh, I didn’t fill you in? Sorry, I’m all over the place with the big day looming.”


“Yep, seven days till I’m Mrs Faith McDonald.”

“Faith McDonald?” She’s going from Faith Winter to Faith McDonald? Deliberately. Urgh! Buffy thought.

“B, I need you.” Faith suddenly burst into tears. “I can’t get married if you’re not there. You’ve got to be my Maid of Honour. I need you, hon. How soon can you get here?”


“C’mon, B. You’re my closest friend in the whole world, I couldn’t get married without you being here.”

“Well if my presence is so important—”

“It is!”

“I’ll leave tomorrow morning.” Buffy lit a cigarette, then took a huge gulp of vodka.

“Thanks B! I love you so much for doing this! I’m going crazy without you!”

Buffy downed half the bottle in one gulp. Why didn’t she support Faith getting married? Was she jealous?

“Isss no problem.” She replied, feeling the vodka hit her system suddenly.

“You drunk, B?”

“A liddle.”

“A liddle? Maybe I should let you get to bed.”

“Bed is good.”

“Night, B. Call me when you’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Night, Fai. Love you.”

“Night, B.”

Chapter 3

“Urgh. Fucky wank.” Buffy muttered. She got up slowly, feeling every single alcohol unit bouncing around inside of her demanding that she die horribly.

She made her way to the bathroom and wondered how long she would have to wait for the painful death.

When it didn’t arrive after five minutes she cautiously got into the shower, disgusted at the smell of stale alcohol that clung to her. She imagined herself as a cartoon character, with a cloud of dirt surrounding her, and little wiggly lines to indicate she smelt.

She washed her hair trying to remember why she got so drunk last night. Well, birthday obviously, but she got drunk by herself when she got home. Why was that?

By the time she had stepped out of the shower and brushed her teeth she felt better, but still couldn’t remember why she got drunk.

She shrugged into her robe and wandered into her kitchen to get a glass of water. The light was blinking on her answer phone as she passed it in the living room. It almost triggered the answer, but went.

She entered the living room once more and stared at the answer phone. She was just about to press the play button when she noticed scribbling on the wall.

“Oh shit.” She muttered pressing her hand to her mouth.

Scrawled on the wall in black permanent marker were the words:

Faith Mc-fucking-Donald is a fucking stupid Mc-fucking name.

“Sorry, Wall.” She said, scrubbing at it. “I don’t mean to use such an abrasive cloth, but it’s just not coming off. Do you have any ideas?”

She stared at the wall. “The day you answer me is the day I check myself into a loony bin. I was just checking that it wasn’t today.”

She continued washing and talking. “You know, maybe it’s about time I named you. I mean, we’ve been living together for five years, and according to my mortgager, I own at least half of you now. I’m gonna call you Fred. By the way, when I say own, I don’t mean that you’re just an object to me.”

She pursed her lips. “Maybe I should check myself into a loony bin. I’ve just named you, told you that you’re more than an object to me, why don’t you just speak and let me know that today’s the day I should check in to the nuthouse? Might as well. It would get me out of going to Faith’s wedding.”

She regarded the wall and the insulting message she had written on it, not even faded by her attempts to clean it off. “Listen, Wall—I mean Fred—what would you do? I’m going to a wedding that clearly pisses me off and I don’t know why… what am I talking about? Walls don’t get married, they just get built next to each other. It’s more like an arranged marriage than an act of love.

“So you can probably imagine what I’m feeling. I mean, you didn’t know the wall over there.” She pointed to the wall adjacent to the one she was cleaning. “But you have to live with her—I’m saying ‘her’ but I don’t know for sure, yeah, I think she is female. Let’s call her Cordelia!—hang on!”

Buffy dropped the sponge in the bucket and lit herself a cigarette. “What the fuck are you doing, Buffy?” She asked herself. “You’re talking to a fucking wall—which you’ve named Fred, no less—you went off the point, you decided the other wall was female and named it Cordelia, and now you’re talking to yourself. Screw the wedding, loony bin here you come.”

She stared around her apartment. “Fred, Cordy, if you have anything to say, now would be a wonderful time.”

The walls didn’t speak, so Buffy admitted defeat on scrubbing the angry words off Fred and began to pack for the week of hell ahead of her.

Chapter 4

During her journey to Faith’s, Buffy was unable to sit still, anxiously bouncing up and down, tapping her fingers and humming occasionally. Finally she exhausted herself and zonked out, her head pressed against the grimy window.

The wedding march played and Faith walked up the aisle, looking more beautiful than Buffy had ever seen her before.

“B!” Faith hissed, trying to keep her smile on her face.

Buffy smiled openly at her.

Faith made some nodding motions that Buffy didn’t understand. “Move!” Faith whispered.

Buffy frowned. Move? Move where? Then she realised that she was standing right at the alter, waiting for Faith. She wasn’t entirely sure where she was supposed to be standing if it wasn’t where she was right now.

“B!” Bigger, but more pained smile this time. More nodding gestures. Faith finally stood next to her. “You’re in the wrong place.” She muttered.


“The groom stands there.”

“No, I stand here.” Buffy replied, sure she was in the right place.

“B, don’t make a scene. Move, please, for me.”

“There isn’t a groom, Fai. Just me.”


“He doesn’t love you as much as I do.” Buffy answered. “So I’m going to marry you.”

“B, please, this is my wedding day.”

“Mine too.” Buffy took Faith’s hand, realising she was now wearing a wedding gown too.

“B, do you love me?”

“More than anything.”

Buffy bolted upright in her seat, scaring the guy seated to her right senseless.

“Sorry,” she muttered in his direction. What had that dream been all about? Well, duh, Faith’s wedding. But why on earth had she wanted to marry Faith?

Because I love her, her mind responded instantly.

Where the hell had that answer come from?

Buffy took a deep breath.

I love Faith, she thought.

Oh god.

She’s getting married and I love her.

I have to break up this wedding.

Buffy collected her bags and wandered aimlessly around the airport, wondering why the hell she always managed to get lost in them when the rest of the world seemed to have no problem.

She decided to follow the crowd, reasoning that that many people going in one direction meant there was a definite destination in mind.

She came to a waiting room of sorts, with about nineteen various exits. She decided to sit down and smoke.

As she was rummaging around her person for her lighter, her attention was caught by a girl with purple hair. Not an old-lady-blue-rinse-purple, but PURPLE. This girl almost glowed in the dark.

Purple Girl met her eyes, and smiled at her. Buffy smiled back hesitantly. She was never sure whether to smile big at someone she didn’t know, but this girl had a smile worth answering. She was definitely a pretty girl. Beyond pretty, beautiful even. Her smile lit up her whole face, making her more attractive still.

Buffy then blushed. One bizarre dream about her best friend and now she was having, well, kinda gay thoughts. No, no she wasn’t, she told herself. She was having envious straight thoughts. That was a definite She’s pretty, I wish I was confident enough to look that unique thought. It was NOT a she’s very pretty and I’d like to kiss her thought.

Purple Girl began to make her way towards her. Uh-oh, thought Buffy. Now what? She hated making obligatory small-talk with strangers, although part of her wanted to talk to this girl.

Where the fuck was Faith when she needed her?


Buffy perked up instantly, not recognising the voice that called out to her, but reasoning that she was probably the only Buffy in the airport… or even the state. It wasn’t a very common name.


Buffy followed the voice, and found it to be coming from Purple Girl. How?

“B!” An excited voice squealed. There was no mistaking that voice anywhere, it had to be Faith.

Faith, standing next to Purple Girl. Buffy blinked, kinda odd, but shrugged that thought away and bounded towards Faith.

“Faith!” She squealed back, with twice the excitement that Faith used.

They met in a huge hug, made more difficult by the fact that Buffy had forgotten to let go of her luggage.

“B, I’m so glad you’re here!” Faith released Buffy momentarily, then hugged her again.

“I’m glad to see you again.” Buffy replied, it sounded trite, but was so true.

Faith released Buffy once more and nodded at Purple Girl.

“B, this is Taz. My sister-in-law.”

Future sister-in-law.” Buffy corrected, then felt stupid for being so petty.

“Howdy.” Taz gave her another huge smile, that Buffy once again couldn’t help responding to.


“I brought her along because driving with Taz is cheaper than going to Disney for a terrifying ride.” Faith grinned.

“She brought me along because Faith lost her licence for speeding last week.” Taz corrected, bestowing yet another Cheshire Cat grin on Buffy.

Buffy smiled, but felt out of place. There was a closeness between Taz and Faith that made her feel excluded. It should be the other way around, she thought, Taz should feel like an outsider.

The Britney convo is because of Sway

Chapter 5

Buffy’s discomfort wore off after a few minutes. Taz insisted she sat in the front of the car, stating she hated the way Faith flinched every time she overtook someone.

Buffy’s life flashed before her eyes every time that Taz took her hands off the wheel to dance to Britney Spears, which she played at full blast.

“I’m sorry, but I love her. Britney rules. What do you think, Buffy?” Taz asked, between singing parts of lyrics.

“Britney bites, Purple.” Faith complained from the backseat. “Can’t we listen to Rob Zombie?”

Taz made a face and retorted, “Was I talking to you? No. Is your name Buffy? No. Now shut up and go back to being terrified.”

“Well, I kinda like her.” Buffy replied hesitantly.

“See! I knew you had more sense than Faith. Now, when did you think she looked hotter? The I’m-a-sweet-schoolgirl look, the red cat-suit thing or now… or some other time of your choice?”

Buffy flushed bright red. One fluffy dream about her best friend and people were picking her up on gaydar?

“You’ll have to excuse Taz. She’s a raging dyke and Britney is her obsession.” Faith leant forward once more. “She expects everyone to share it.”

“I don’t like the word ‘dyke’.” Taz said. “It conjures up images of skin-headed, bra-less women who don’t shave their legs. I am a gay girl.”

“She’s only saying that to let you know she loves having long hair, she wears a bra and shaves her legs. Taz rebels against the cruel stereotype.” Faith grinned at Buffy.

“Weren’t we talking Britney, before this fascinating delve into my sexuality?” Taz asked. “Let’s talk about her again.”

“I liked her until she murdered ‘I love rock n’ roll’,” Buffy said, wanting to change the subject pronto.

“Britney bites.” Faith replied.

“You know you love her really, Faith.” Taz replied, once more taking her hands off the wheel to make dancing motions.

“Taz! Hands on the wheel!” Buffy and Faith screamed in unison.

Buffy smiled, maybe this week would be ok.

Four near misses, two wrong turnings and a horrifying trip the wrong way down a one-way street later, Buffy, Faith and Taz exited the car. Buffy and Faith were somewhat shakier than Taz.

“What did I tell you, B? Taz’s driving, terrifying or what?” Faith put her hand on Buffy’s shoulder.

“Or what, and more.” Buffy grinned, enjoying Faith’s touch.

“Oh shut up.” Taz turned to Faith. “And which out of the two of us still has a licence?”

Faith stuck her finger up at Taz and looped an arm around Buffy. “C’mon girlfriend. Let’s go.”

Buffy jumped a mile a Faith’s use of the word ‘girlfriend’.

“B? You ok?” Faith asked, pausing, letting Taz go on ahead of them.

“Fine.” Buffy squeaked.

“Did I scare you again? I keep doing that. Oh, god! I didn’t tell you where we are or why we’re here. No wonder you look panicked!”

“Unk.” Buffy muttered. What was it with Faith misunderstanding her? Still, it made life easier.

“This is Taz’s parents’ place. Lindsey’s also here.”

“Lindsey? Who’s she? Taz’s girlfriend?”

Faith laughed loudly. “Lindsey’s a guy, B. My guy, in fact. You know, the one I’m gonna marry.” She added seeing Buffy’s uncomprehending look.

“I thought you were gonna ditch me at my hotel first.” Buffy said finally.

“Nah, the in-laws wanted to meet you. They’ve heard so much about you. You’re gonna love ‘em.” Faith assured her.

Buffy frowned, knowing that Faith had said the wrong thing. If you’re told that you’re gonna love someone, you spend the entire time in their company hating them.

“B, c’mon. I promise they’re not scary.” Faith once again misread Buffy’s expression.

Buffy pasted a smile on her face. “Great. Let’s go.” She said in a cheery voice, then added under her breath, “let’s go to my personal hell.”

Thanks to Pete, who taught me that Wombles don’t collect rubbish to be helpful. They collect it for bonfires, as they are pyromaniacs. You twat! This is for Sar, who I love to pieces. Kits, for existing and wearing tactile clothes. Sway, for her feedback. Rach for being so damned adorable… I mean sexy! And Jaime for being lovely.

Chapter 6

Faith opened the door and pushed Buffy in ahead of her. Buffy resented this for two reasons, first off, this was a new house to her and she didn’t know where she was going, second, it seemed to make a bad impression to the owners, Faith’s in-laws to be, that she had to be shoved into their house.

“Hey Mr and Mrs Mac.” Faith greeted them cheerily.

“Hello Faith.” Mr McDonald replied with a smile as Mrs McDonald pulled her in for a hug.

Buffy once again felt out of place.

“This is my best friend since I was a kid, Buffy.” Faith introduced her. “B, this is Mr and Mrs McDonald.”

“Do they have a farm?” Buffy asked, then flushed. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, it just popped into her head. Ever since the ‘Faith Mc-fucking-Donald’ incident with her wall—with Fred—she’d been mentally singing ‘Old McDonald had a farm’.

“Farm?” Mrs McDonald frowned slightly. Buffy braced herself for the evil looks and words about to be flung at her. “Oh!” Mrs M, brightened up. “Taz must have been telling you about our ranch. Yes, we do. It’s just lovely in the summer. In fact, you should come out with us in June. We have horses, do you ride, Buffy?”

Buffy goggled. She had just insulted her best friend’s mother in law, and the result? She was invited up to their ranch in the summer. I wonder what I’ll get if I burn the house down, she thought idly.

“Taz is an absolute horse nut, she’s always looking for people to join her.” Mrs M continued. “Come on, Buffy. Let’s get you a glass of wine and you can tell us all about yourself.”

Buffy allowed herself to be shepherded into the main room, which was roughly twice the size of her entire apartment. It was also filled with more people than she went to school with. She pulled a ‘help me’ face at Faith, who just smiled back and followed her.

“Faith! You’re back!” A male voice said happily.

Buffy followed the voice. It appeared to belong to a man of average height, with brown hair and hazel eyes. Buffy had to admit he was very attractive. Although she couldn’t work out how he and Taz managed to come from the same gene pool.

This guy looked like he had a job that required suits day in, day out. Probably Armani suits at that. Taz looked as though she was from the planet Fluffluga, where people sunbathed and surfed all day. An image of Taz in a bikini flashed through her mind and she flushed slightly. That image was then followed by Faith in a bikini, and she flushed even more.

“You must be Buffy.” Armani guy turned to her and held out his hand.

“And you must be Lindsey.” She replied, reluctantly taking his hand. Instead of the handshake she was expecting, he brought it to his lips for a small kiss.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Faith never stops talking about you.”

“All good things I hope?” Faith never stopped talking about her? That had to be a good thing.

“Oh yeah. She talks so much that I’m almost jealous of you. I love the story about The Wombles.”

Two thoughts whizzed through Buffy’s mind. First was: Lindsey’s almost jealous of me! Yay! The second was: I can’t believe Faith told him about The Wombles.

“What about the Wombles? I’ve never heard this. What are Wombles, anyway?” Taz asked joining the conversation.

Buffy felt herself blushing. This wasn’t a particularly funny story, and it wasn’t a story that she reflected well in.

However, Faith jumped in and started telling it. “I was over B’s house, and some of her relatives were there, from England. I think we were about ten or so. Anyway, Buffy’s cousin, what was her name?”

“Lucy-Ann.” Buffy supplied, wincing. What was it about her family, why did they all have such crappy names?

“Yeah, Lucy-Ann. She was thirteen, and considered me and B such babies, especially when her Mom, B’s Aunt Carol gave us a Wombles video as a gift.”

“What are Wombles?” Taz asked again. “They sound cute.”

“Wombles are some freaky little rodents that live in London somewhere, in a Park and collect rubbish or something.” Buffy finally contributed to the story. “Aunt Carol gave me a video of them. Faith and I really loved it.”

“Anyway,” Faith picked up the story again. “Lucy-Ann kept saying that B and I were really immature because of how much we liked the Wombles. She may have been right, we were ten. So she dared us to smoke one of her cigarettes.”

“I still blame her for my addiction.” Buffy said.

“Anyway, B went first because she was a lot braver than me back then.”

“What do you me ‘back then’? I still am!”

“Anyway, Buffy’s leaning out of her window, hands shaking, terrified her Mom and Aunt Carol are gonna catch us any minute. B takes this big drag on the cig and coughs her guts up. The cig falls out of her hand and vanishes. We all assume that it fell out of the window.” Faith took a deep breath and continued. “Half an hour later the fire brigade are outside B’s house and her Mom comes over and says,” Faith took another breath and mimicked Buffy’s mother’s voice. “‘Well, young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?’. B panics and says, ‘It was the Wombles’.”

Everyone cracked up, and Buffy began to feel better. She had watched Faith telling the story. There had been so much love in her tone, and Faith had looked totally adorable waving her hands around for emphasis.

She realised she was staring at Faith.

She also realised that both Taz and Lindsey were watching her stare.

To Alan for his FB and to the Knicker Girl. You know who you are. Remember, velvet, satin or no deal! *grins*

Also to the girl who works in the shop below my flat. You don’t even know I exist, despite the fact that I’ve signed up for a store card and spent over £300 in three days in a store I don’t even like. It’s not your sales tactics that won me over.

Chapter 7

Mrs McDonald took Buffy to a side and began to explain the Matron Of Honour duties to Buffy. It went entirely over her head as she watched Faith and Lindsey, talking, flirting and touching. It made her ache to see Faith so close to someone else. And so happy to be with someone else.

Buffy downed her wine and nodded occasionally to what Mrs McDonald was saying. For some reason—oh, be honest—seeing Faith and Lindsey together was making a lump form in her throat. She had to get out of here.

“Mrs McDonald?”

“Oh, call me Josie.”

Buffy hated it when Mom types wanted her to call them by their first names. She wondered if she would ever grow into being comfortable with it. “Josie,” she tried out experimentally.

“Taryn!” Mrs McDonald called out, then turned to Buffy. “Excuse me one moment.”

Buffy followed Mrs McD’s line of sight and found Taz.

Taz made her way over to them, winking at Buffy.

“Taryn. What on earth do you think you’re wearing?”

Buffy snorted and turned it quickly into a cough. She hadn’t noticed what Taz was wearing. She doubted anyone else had. It was kind of impossible when she had such brutally purple hair.

Taz looked down at herself. She was wearing baggy black trousers that had seen better days, there was even paint on them, and a white T-shirt.

“Sorry, Mom.” She muttered.

“Go upstairs and get changed. And for heaven’s sake, wear a skirt. It won’t kill you.”

Taz looked as if she was going to make a comeback, but wisely shut her mouth once more, and nodded. “Ok, Mom. I just need to borrow Buffy for a moment.”

Without leaving time for Mrs McDonald to reply, she grabbed Buffy’s hand and made her exit.

Buffy felt herself being dragged along. Taz slowed near her brother, and Buffy watched as Lindsey handed her twenty bucks which Taz pocketed and continued walking.

“You looked like you needed to bail back there.” Taz said as they began walking up the stairs.

“Yeah, thanks. Jet lag or something.” Buffy replied gratefully. “And I’m dying for a cigarette.”

“Me too. We can smoke in my room.”

“What was that about with the money?” Buffy asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Oh that, it’s an old game. We time how long it takes for Mom to flip out about what I’m wearing while we’ve got so many relatives around us. Linds called half an hour, I called longer. I knew you’d be here and that would distract everyone. See, now I kinda owe you.” Taz grinned at her.

“The bail back there was good though. I’d say we’re even.” Buffy returned Taz’s smile, it was impossible not to.

“Here we are.” Taz paused at a door. “Come into my lair said the spider to the fly.” She opened the door and Buffy goggled. The room she was looking at was enormous, and done in various shades of lilac. Anywhere else it would have been gaudy, but since it was Taz’s room it seemed just perfect.

“Don’t worry, Buffy, the headache will wear off as soon as you get used to the purple.” Taz ushered her into the room. “Have a seat.”

Buffy sat down on the king sized bed gaping at the huge room. Taz dug out an ashtray—purple glass, naturally—and handed it to her.

Buffy realised that she hadn’t said anything for quite awhile. For lack of anything else to say, she said, “I didn’t know your name was Taryn.”

“Nobody calls me that except for Mom. I’ve been Taz forever. I’ve been trying to work out what Buffy is short for, and all I come up with is Butterfly, which I like, so I’m gonna call you Butterfly.”

Taz stripped off her T-shirt and rummaged in her closet for another top. Buffy’s mouth once more fell open, as Taz wandered around her room in a very ‘uplifting’ bra. “Damn it.” Taz muttered, and pulled off her trousers. “Gonna have to wear a fucking dress.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open a little more until she was sure that she could feel the carpet tickling her chin. Not thirty minutes ago she had had a brief vision of Taz in a bikini, and now right in front of her was Taz wearing underwear so skimpy it was almost dental floss.

There was no way she could ignore her newfound ‘kinda gayness’. She was ogling her best friend’s sister in law. Imagine her reaction if Faith was in the room.

Buffy blushed, while Taz wandered around cheerfully oblivious.

She made a conscious effort to pull herself together and say something intelligent. And more importantly AVERT HER GODDAMNED EYES! “Elizabeth.” She said wildly. “Buffy’s a diminutive of Elizabeth.”

“Oh.” The ever present grin on Taz’s face fell slightly.

Buffy hurriedly added, “But I like Butterfly much more.”


Buffy smiled at her. Stop staring. Stop thinking thoughts. Just look at the wall. Enjoy the purple. Look at the Britney Spears poster—Jesus! Britney’s almost naked! Ok, don’t look at the poster. Wall, Buffy. Wall. You like walls. You even named two of yours.

Buffy took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again Taz was wearing a dress. Ok, it wasn’t all that modest, but it covered far more than the dental floss wonderbra and matching thong.

Jesus, Faith. Why’d you have to get married? What the fuck is going on with me?

For Elaine, who loves Taz almost as much as I do.

Chapter 8

Taz handed her a cigarette and Buffy lit it gratefully. “Cheers.”

“What’s going on with you, Butterfly?” Taz asked.

“What? Me? Nothing? Just smoking. Nothing going on with little old me.” Buffy babbled. Taz must have noticed that she was checking her out earlier. Taz noticed a lot.

“Nothing huh? That was a lot of babble for someone who has nothing to say.” Taz grinned. “I saw you looking—”

“I wasn’t!” Buffy protested. “I didn’t look at all. Not once. Well sometimes if something’s in your eye-line you can’t ignore it, but I wasn’t looking looking. I just saw.”

“Ok, one babble is endearing, two babbles is ok, but babble once more and I’ll hurl you out of the window.” Taz flicked the excess ash into the purple ashtray. “Look, I saw you, ok? And I’m fine with it.”

Buffy took a deep toke on her cigarette and almost choked. “You are?”

“Yeah, I always thought that Faith was gay too.”


“Yeah, I mean, you see Faith in all that leather and your first thought is dyke, right? I always thought you two had a thing going, the way she spoke about you. And you want her back?”

“Back? I never had her in the first place.” Buffy said. Then panicked. Was she admitting her feelings—her three hours old feelings—to the groom’s sister? “Hang on, you’re fine with this?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I—oh, Linds. Well, put it this way, if Faith is gay, I’d rather we all found out before the wedding. The McDonald family goes all out on weddings, divorces… well, not quite so high on our list. Besides, it’s the only traditional wedding Mom and Dad will get to have, I don’t think they’d want their once chance shattered by Linds marrying a dyke… I plan to do that!” Taz grinned.

“Um, Taz. Um… this is kinda new to me.” Buffy admitted finally.

“How new?” Taz asked, interested.

“Um, well, on the plane I had a dream—not that kind of dream!” Buffy said, noticing the look in Taz’s eyes. “Just… I dreamt I was marrying Faith, and now I can’t get it out of my mind.”

“Hang on, you’re what, twenty-eight, and you’ve only just figured out you’re gay?”

“I think.” Buffy’s hand shook as she crushed out her cigarette, then lit another one straight after. “How long have you known?”

“About you? Longer than you have.”

“I meant about you.”

“I know, I’m just teasing you. I’ve always known.”

“Really? How?”

“Well, the first sign was when I was playing Barbies and Barbie left Ken for Sindy. Luckily, Ken wasn’t too heartbroken, he’d always had his eye on GI Joe.”

Buffy burst out laughing. “Oh, Taz. You’re priceless.”

“I know. You should see my Visa bill.” Taz stood up and held out her hand to Buffy. “C’mon Butterfly. We’d better get back to the party. They’ll think that you and I have been doing the horizontal bop.”

Buffy took her hand. “You’re telling me everyone’s picking me up on gaydar?” She muttered.

“B! Where have you been?” Faith called out to her, moving towards them, her arm still tucked through Lindsey’s.

Buffy didn’t reply, her mind going blank save for one sentence: Talking to Taz about being gay. Which she really didn’t want to say out loud.

Taz saved her. “We’ve been around.” She said, then made smoking motions with her fingers.

“Got it. You stubbed ‘em out right? I don’t think Mrs Mac would buy the ‘it was Wombles’ line.” Faith replied with a grin. She then looked at Taz. “Dear gods! Taz, you’re wearing a dress. I didn’t know you had legs!” She teased.

Lindsey also stared at her. “I haven’t seen you in a dress for years. I think the last time was three years ago, when you were trying to impress that girl.”

Taz blushed and made throat cutting motions at her brother, while Buffy smiled on at the banter.

“So who’s the lucky girl?” Faith asked.

Taz glared at them and said nothing.

“Leave her alone.” Buffy spoke up, wanting to defend her new friend. “I think she looks very nice. Better than nice, beautiful even.” Shut up, Buffy. Don’t over do it on this gayness. You’re new to it, you could OD. And besides, you’re trying to woo Faith, not Taz. She cautioned herself.

Taz looked a lot happier, but was blushing even more violently than before Buffy had spoken.

Note to self. Buffy thought. Stop helping.

“Time for a subject change.” Faith said. “B, we’re going out tonight. We’re gonna drink and be stupid and we’re gonna do karaoke.”

“Ok. The drinking and stupid part sounds good.” Buffy replied.

“Well, if we drink we’ll get stupid enough to do karaoke!”

“Hrmm.” Buffy replied. This was exactly what she wanted, time alone with Faith. Time to find out what her feelings were. But then again, what if she imagined something? What if she misread a harmless comment? She needed impartial advice. “Taz, why don’t you come too? We’ll make it a girls’ night out.”

Taz smiled her Cheshire Cat smile once more. “Love to.”

The song (the tune, that is) belongs to whichever genius *snort* wrote the Spice Girl’s stuff. The lyrics, however, belong to a load of drunken people from my college days. This is dedicated to Rach and Liv for fighting over Taz.

Chapter 9

“No, B! You’re not drinking Schnapps all night!” Faith protested as they made their way to the bar.

“I like Schnapps!”

“No way, Butterfly.” Taz threw her arm around Buffy. “We’re drinking the same all night, and Schnapps makes me hurl. It’s too sweet.”

Buffy made a pained noise. “Not JD. Please, Faith, for me. Not JD.”

Taz got to the bar first, brandishing some money. “Hey!” She greeted the girl behind the bar with a big smile. “Six shots of tequila please.”

“How did you do that?” Faith asked. “It always takes me forever to get served here, no matter how much cleve I show.”

“It’s the purple hair.” Taz said as the girl racked up six tiny glasses and poured the tequila, not even measuring it.

“I love your hair by the way.” The girl said, taking money from Taz.

“See? You should dye yours, Faith. It’s very handy.”

“Um.” Started Buffy in a small voice. “I don’t like tequila either.”

“B.” Faith squeezed her hand. “Nobody likes tequila. And purple hair wouldn’t suit me.”

“I like tequila.” Taz said. “And I was thinking more blue. Purple is my trademark.”

“Ok, I’ll rephrase. Nobody from this planet likes tequila. Taz is from the planet Fluffluga, the Flufflugians were visiting and left her behind. The McDonalds thought she was cute and adopted her. And I don’t think blue would be all that great either.”

They all grabbed their drinks and made their way to an empty table. “Faith, don’t tell Butterfly all my secrets.”

“What’s with this Butterfly thing as well?” Faith asked as they took their seats.

“Nobody likes my name.” Buffy said. “You call me B, Taz calls me Butterfly. Maybe I should just change it.”

“How come I don’t get a nickname?” Faith lit a cigarette with one of the complimentary matches. “Ooh, look Taz, purple matches.”

Taz pocketed the matches. “Faith isn’t easy to nickname. I mean, Taryn gets shortened to Taz…”

“Buffy gets lengthened to Butterfly.” Buffy added.

“Taz, gimme the matches back, I’ve lost my lighter.”

“Faith is impossible to nickname. How about F?” Taz continued.

“You can use my lighter.” Buffy dug out her lighter and put it on the table.

“I don’t like F.”

“I call you Fai.”

“B, you’re lighter’s purple, Taz is gonna steal it.”

“I won’t!” Taz replied indignantly. “Do you want me to call you Fai?”

“You will! Anything that’s purple gets taken by you. And ok, call me Fai.”

“Is it just me, or are we talking absolute crap?” Buffy asked.

“And next up we have,” the guy announcing them paused to read the card. “Faith Winter and Buffy Summers with their version of ‘Wannabe’.”

“Cue the Summers/Winter joke.” Buffy muttered as they made their way to the stage, slowly and stumbling.

“See! Season joke!” Faith agreed as if it was her who first pointed out he would do that.

“I’m wasted, Fai.”

“I know.”

“How do you know?”

“‘Cos we’re karaoke-ing.”

“We’re Spice Girl-ing.” Amended Buffy.

“That too!”

“Here they are! The seasonal girls! Ha ha ha!” The greasy guy announced as the finally made it to the stage.

Yo, I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want,
So tell me what you want what you really really want
I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want,
So tell me what you want what you really really want
I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna
I wanna really really really wanna stick it in hard!!

If you want my body, forget my past,
If you wanna get with me, better make it fast
Now don’t go wasting, my precious time
Get your act together we could be just fine

I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want,
So tell me what you want what you really really want
I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna really really really wanna stick it in hard!

If you wannabe my lover, you gotta in my bed
Fucking me forever, I give fantastic head!
If you wannabe my lover, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy but I’m a dominatrix.

A what d’ya think about that? Now you know how I feel.
Say you can handle my bits, are you for real?
I won’t be hasty, I’ll give you a try
If you find my G-spot you can make me sigh

I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want,
So tell me what you want what you really really want,
I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna really really really wanna stick it in hard!

There were two more verses to go, but Buffy and Faith were ushered off the stage. Taz got up on the table and booed loudly. And that’s when the greasy guy with the mic called the bouncers in.

Chapter 10

“That was wicked cool!” Faith yelled! “Total bundle!” Then she realised she was alone on the street. She looked around confused. “Where…?”

Then she saw Taz and Buffy collapsed on the floor a few feet behind her, giggling.

“You left us!” They shouted at her.

“Did not!” Faith replied, staggering over to them.

“Did too!” Buffy said.

“Did not!” From Taz.

“Did not what?” Buffy asked frowning. “And weren’t we on the same side a minute ago.” She poked Taz in the ribs.

“I think we’re on the same side of the fence full-stop.” Taz giggled and tickled Buffy. Buffy poked her in the ribs again.

“Whatever.” Faith held out a hand to each of them. “Get up.”

Taz and Buffy each took one of her hands and tugged. Faith, while strong, was not ready for the dead weight of the two drunken girls on the floor, and found herself toppling over and landing on Buffy.

“Thanks B, you broke my fall.” She muttered.

“Thanks F, you broke my ribs.” Buffy responded. She was hyper-aware of Faith’s body on top of hers, and the effect it was having on her.

Faith brushed some hair out of Buffy’s face. “You know,” she said, “you’ve got really pretty eyes.”

Buffy shifted slightly, wanting to look at Taz, wanting to know what Taz thought of that, but at the same time, she didn’t want to break the spell.

She smiled back at Faith and said the only thing she could think of, “You too.” Well done, the gold medal for the Dumbest Thing To Say When Trying To Impress Someone goes to… Buffy Summers!

Taz groaned and stumbled to her feet, muttering something about going home. Faith blinked, and also began to get up.

“Sorry, B. Didn’t mean to fall on you.”

“It’s ok. Any time.” Stupid, Buffy. Very, very stupid.

Taz and Faith hauled Buffy to her feet.

“What now?” Asked Faith. “We’ve only been kicked out of one bar so far, what are we gonna do for an encore?”

“We could steal a car?” Suggested Taz.

“Then we could resist arrest.” Buffy added. “And sing Flying Purple People Eater on the way to the cop shop when they finally catch us.”

“Huh?” Taz and Faith asked.

“It’s an ancient song my Mom used to play. It was a quick nod to your purple obsession.” Buffy replied. “One that I’m now regretting.”

Taz grinned and slung her arm around Buffy. “Sing it for me?”


“Would it help if I did puppy dog eyes?”


“Please,” Taz put on her puppy dog look, complete with pouty lips and fixed her gaze on Buffy.

“Hello people! Focus!” Faith yelled. “What are we doing next?”

“Well, I was thinking home.” Taz said. “I’m tired. And I’m having my hair re-dyed tomorrow morning, really early.”


“Yeah, see the roots?” Taz tipped her head down for Buffy to inspect.

“I don’t see anything, it’s too dark.”

“Well anyway, it needs doing. Besides, my hair is usually far more purple than this, right now it’s kinda lilac. They don’t call me Purple Girl for nothing.”

“Once more: HELLO!” Faith yelled. “Um, blushing bride here, looking for attention! While this conversation about Taz’s hair is fascinating, bars are still open!”

Buffy and Taz regarded her guiltily. “Sorry.” Buffy muttered.

“Ditto.” Taz added. “But I still need to go home.” She looked up and down the road. “Need a taxi.” She clambered up onto a bin, and whistled loudly. “TAXI!”

Buffy watched her with interest. “Does she always do that?”

“Oh, pretty much.” Faith replied. “So, we’ve got Taz going home to bed, but you and I are still at a lose end. What do you want to do?”

“Let’s buy a bottle of vodka and go back to my hotel. I don’t feel like mingling with people any more tonight, I’ll probably make a fool of myself.”


“Um, Faith, Butterfly, you already have made fools of yourself tonight. Remember your ode to the Spice Girls?” Taz pointed out, still standing on the bin, scanning the street for a taxi. “Ooh, there’s one. TAXI!” She waved and whistled once more.

“Oh god.” Buffy muttered. “I’d managed to repress that.”

“Right, I’m off.” Taz hopped down from the bin as the cab pulled over for her.

“Hey, Taz!” Buffy bounded over to her. “Um, can I have your phone number?” She felt strangely shy about asking, but she needed Taz’s advice on… well, everything!

Taz grinned her Cheshire Cat smile once more, and dug an eyeliner—purple, naturally—out of her bag.

Buffy held out of her arm and smiled at her, thinking that at least the wedding had one good point so far, the good point in question wrote her number down, signing her name in big letters with several kisses underneath.

The good point in question smiled all the way home.

Chapter 11

“You and Taz seem tight.” Faith commented as Buffy fought with the card-key that opened her hotel room door.

“Tight?” Buffy questioned, finally getting the card in at the right angle and managing to open the door. “Come into my lair said the spider to the fly.” She allowed Faith to enter first.

“See? That’s Taz’s saying. You get on really well.”

“Yeah, well…” Buffy shrugged. “I can’t imagine not getting along with Taz. She’s pretty cool.”

“I think she’s got a crush on you.” Faith shrugged out of her jacket and began hunting for an ashtray. “Or at least, she would if you were gay.”

Buffy flushed. She really should tell Faith at some point. Now might be a good time. “I can assure you that—”

“You’re not gay. I know.” Faith finished for her.

That I’m not Taz’s type. Buffy finished off mentally. Why was Faith so convinced she was straight? Why was this so difficult?

“Faith, I, um. Well.” Buffy took a deep breath. “I’m, um.” Jesus, Butterfly, spit it out.

“C’mon, B. Spit it out. We don’t have all night.” Faith opened the vodka and poured a large measure in each of the two glasses that Buffy handed her. “Well, actually, we do.”

Faith then rummaged in the mini-bar until she found some soft drinks. She lined them up. “What mixer do you want, B? Coke, orange or pineapple?”

“Orange, please… Look, Faith, I’m…”

“Confused about the wedding? Pissed off with me for not telling you sooner that I’d met someone? Really fucked off with me for dropping a bombshell and demanding you get on a plane the next morning? I know. I’ve been kicking myself over it. It was really shitty of me. I’m sorry.”

“Faith…” If she wasn’t so drunk she would consider jumping up and down to get her attention.

Faith handed her a glass, “What shall we drink to?”

“To the porcelain gods who we shall be praying to tomorrow morning?” Suggested Buffy flatly. Why was this so difficult?

“Nice one, B.” Faith replied approvingly. She clinked glasses with Buffy and downed half of her drink in one gulp.

Right. Buffy thought. I’m going to get so drunk I have the confidence to scream “I’M GAY!” at the top of my lungs. I’m telling Faith tonight, liver and kidneys be damned!

Buffy downed her drink in one gulp. “C’mon Faith, catch up!”

“Um, B, why are we watching porn?”

“You put it on.” Buffy replied. Faith was half passed out, every so often she’d get up or say something, but mostly, she was zonked out on Buffy’s bed.

Buffy was taking this opportunity to look at Faith, without having to worry about anyone noticing the way she stared.

Faith’s hair was a little longer than it was when she last saw her, but aside from that, she was still the same Faith she’d grown up with.

The same beautiful face that showed dimples when she smiled. The same brown eyes that lit up when she laughed. There was no doubt about it, Faith was beautiful.

Faith rolled over, facing away from Buffy, wriggling a little to get comfortable.

“Faith?” She half-whispered.


“Faith, I’ve got something to tell you.”


“I’m, um… well. You know Taz? Of course you do, she’s your sister in law. Well, I’m like her. Not in the sense of hair dye, I think I’d look silly with purple hair. Um, I’ve gone off the point.”


“No, let me finish. I’m… um… I’m gay.” Buffy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. That wasn’t so bad. It could have gone worse. The babble wasn’t so great, but it could have gone worse. “I’m gay.” She repeated. This time her voice didn’t shake.

There was no answer. “Faith, are we ok? Faith?”

This time she got an answer. Faith let out a small contented snore.

Buffy sighed in annoyance.

Back to square one.

Buffy awoke first, she was aware of the warm body cuddled in her arms. She opened her eyes cautiously. Faith was zonked out in her arms, with her fingers entwined with Buffy’s.

Buffy’s eyes bugged a little. When did this happen? She had Faith in her arms and she had managed to sleep?

She was debating whether to get up or stay put when Faith wriggled a little deeper into her arms.

Stay put. That was definitely an option.

“Linds?” Faith asked sleepily.

Buffy bit the inside of her cheek. How could one word change her emotions so quickly? One minute she was having happy snuggley thoughts, the next she remembered that Faith was straight and a hangover decided to come and visit her head.

She gently slipped away from Faith and went to shower, pausing briefly to have a ten-minute crying session.

“Hey, B. How’s the hangover.” Faith asked in a low voice as Buffy exited the bathroom.

“Partying hard in here.” Buffy pointed to her head. “You?”

“The same. I should know better than to drink tequila, it gives me funky dreams. You know what I dreamt last night? That you were gay. I dreamt you told me you were gay, you babbled for a bit about purple hair too. Pretty funky, huh?”

Buffy smiled slightly. So Faith had heard what she said. “Faith, that wasn’t—”

“You’re not seeing anyone at the moment, are you?” Faith asked.

“No, why?” Buffy frowned a little.

“I’ve just remembered that Lindsey has this totally hot friend. He’s gorgeous, and he’d be perfect for you.” Faith grinned big.

“No! Faith, remember last night?”

“Not really.” She laughed. “I’ll call Lindsey, see if we can set you two up.”

“No, Faith!” Buffy yelled, then winced, holding her head. “I don’t want to go out with Lindsey’s friend. His sister is more my type!” There, that should do it.

“Look, not all lawyers are evil. I know you prefer the artsy types, but Mark is lovely.” Faith wandered into the bathroom and shut the door, thus ending the conversation.

“Oh, fuck.” Buffy lit a cigarette and looked at the wall. “Why doesn’t she listen to the subtext, Wall? Or even the text? You know I’m gay, right, Wall?”

Dedicated to: Rach for saying she’s a Star Gazer. *contented sigh*

This is NOT dedicated to: Marshmallows from Iceland (The store, not the place), because they are made from a rare blend of granite and sand, liberally covered in sugar. The don’t melt in hot chocolate and generally are evil. They are the chosen nibbles of the Anti-Christ, right Kitty?

Chapter 12

Buffy picked up the phone and dialled. She had just lived through the most boring day of her life. Much as she enjoyed shopping, it had been dull. She had been measured for her dress, and would be trying it on tomorrow. Then she had spend the day with Faith, picking out flowers.

Who’d have thought there would be so many different bouquets? They needed bouquets for the bridesmaids, one for the maid of honour, one for the bride. One to adorn the ends of every pew in the church, one for each windowsill… the list went on and on.

And to cap it all off, Faith had talked non-stop about Lindsey, and how much it meant to her that Buffy would be there when she married the person she loved.

Every opportunity to tell her about Buffy’s new-found gayness was ignored or totally misunderstood.

Buffy lit a cigarette.

“Purple Place, Taz speaking.”

“Argh! Taz, I told her and she was asleep. Well, I almost told her before that, but she totally didn’t get it. She thought I was pissed off—”


“—about her not telling me that she was marrying someone. Which I was. Kind of. But that’s not the point. What was I saying? Yes. I told her and—”


“—she thought it was a dream. She still thinks I’m straight despite me trying to tell her this morning. She wants to set me up with one of Lindsey’s friends, Mark or Mick, or maybe even Mike or possibly—”


Buffy shut up sharply. Took a very deep breath, then lit a cigarette. “Sorry, Taz. How are you?”


“Too much partying last night?” Buffy asked.

“Too much babble this phone call. Stay there, I’m going to get my cigarettes, process everything you’ve just said, and then reply.”

Buffy heard a clunking sound as Taz, she presumed, tossed the phone down. Then she heard a muted, “Fuck it! That was my camera.”

She heard Taz mutter, “Cigarettes,” several times, and her mind took her to a visual of Taz wandering around her room in her underwear, try as she might the visual would not leave.

“C’mon, Taz. Hurry up.” Buffy muttered into the phone, wanting Taz to talk again, hoping that she would be able to focus on her voice, as opposed to the image impressed on her brain at that moment.

“Ok, flappy. I’m back.”


“Butterflies flap their wings.” Taz replied, the dove straight in to the important subject. “So, you told her and she was asleep. Simple, tell her again.”

“Tried. Failed. She’s gonna set me up with one of Lindsey’s friends.”

Taz laughed. “Not Mark?”

“I’m glad you find it funny.” Buffy replied huffily. “And yes, I think she said his name was Mark.”

“Ooh, poor Mark. He’s been set up on a blind date with every lesbian in a fifty mile radius.”

Buffy laughed a little. “Including you?” She asked suddenly, a little bothered by Taz dating someone, even if it was a guy.

“Including me.” Taz confirmed.


“What’s ‘oh’?”

“Nothing. Um. Yeah.” Buffy replied, flustered. “So what do I do?”

“Do? Oh! Tell her. Make her listen.”

Taz’s tone took a slightly bored tone and Buffy felt guilty. She didn’t want Taz thinking she just needed advice and that was it. Buffy genuinely liked the purple haired girl. “So, how does your hair look? Did it take long?”

“Fabulous, Flappy. Really purple. It took forever though. Charlie, the hairdresser, was a bit of a hottie, so that made it tolerable.”

“Charlie?” Questioned Buffy, in a tone a lot sharper than she intended.

“Charlie, short for Charlotte. She dated one of my exes. Apparently she’s very nice.”

“Right.” Buffy felt stung but couldn’t work out why. Maybe it had something to do with Faith saying Taz had a crush on her. She lit a cigarette and listened to the joys that were Charlie the hairdresser. Eventually she made her goodbyes and hung up.

It was time to get really, really drunk.

Taz stared at the phone for a few minutes before hanging up. That had not been a good conversation. In fact it had been horrible. It started out alright, but went downhill fast.

Somehow the connection they had last night had vanished, or at the very least, didn’t translated well over the phone.

Or maybe she’d imagined the connection. She must have, it was obvious that the blonde was head over heels for Faith. And despite her glow-in-the-dark hair, Taz may as well be invisible.

Which is probably why she started to talk about Charlie.

Lie about Charlie, her mind amended quickly.

Yes, ok, lie about Charlie.

Who was in fact straight.

Who was in fact happily married.

Who was in fact ten years older than Taz.

Who was in fact not even remotely attractive.

Taz sighed. What was it about Buffy Summers that turned her into a fourteen year old again?

She lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

There was a knock at the door. “Can I come in?” Lindsey’s voice.

She rolled her eyes. “Come in to my lair—”

“Said the spider to the fly.” He finished with her as he entered the room. “You know, you should really think about getting a new tag line, Taz.”

“Bite me.” She replied.

“Why are you in such a great mood?”

She rolled her eyes again. “Don’t ask.”

“Well, this should make you feel better. You won’t have Buffy cramping your style, we’re setting her up with Mark.”

“What do you mean ‘cramping my style’?” She asked.

“You’re obviously trying to impress someone, you even wore a dress yesterday. You won’t have Buffy tagging along and making it seem as if you’re already taken.” He replied with a grin. “Don’t say your brother never helps you out.”

Taz was dumbstruck. Did nobody in the world have gaydar… or even eyes?

“Don’t thank me, really.”

“Linds, no! No dating for Buffy!”

“Why not?”

“Because Mark isn’t her type.” She responded.

“How do you know? You’ve spent twelve hours with the girl.” He laughed.

“Because Mark isn’t her type in the same way that Mark isn’t MY type!” She yelled.

“You’re funny, Taz.” He laughed again and made his exit.


Maybe it was time to visit Buffy in person.

Dedicated to: TidalWave aka Gaelle, for suggesting Buffy marry the wall, as it would be easier.

Chapter 13

“Look, Wall—Wall, I feel bad calling you that. I know we’re only gonna be roomies for a few days, but I really should give you a name.” Buffy took another gulp of vodka. “Then again, it took me five years to name Cred and Fordy. Um, thass not right.”

Buffy lit a new cigarette off the dying end of the one she was smoking, and grinned at the wall.

“I’m gonna call you…” She tailed off and thought hard. “Spike! ‘Cos you’ve got those…” She pointed at the coat hooks. “Spiky things. Here’s to you Spike.” She toasted to the newly-named wall with a big mouthful of vodka.

“Now, where was I? You don’t know? Hrmm. Thass what I like about you, Spike, you don’t interrupt me. You really listen to me. Maybe I should marry you. Hrmm.”

“Now, what was I saying?” She took another swig out of the bottle.

“Ah! Yesssssss! I was saying that Faith doesn’t listen to me. We’d be perfect together if she’d just realise I’m gay. Yeah? Spike, are you gay?”

Buffy was mildly alarmed to hear a thumping noise in response.

“I didn’t hear that.” She told the wall. “I always said the day you guys responded to me I’d go to a boonylin. Um, loonybin. Um, anyway, didn’t hear it, so am not crazy. Yes.”

She took another chug on the bottle. “I didn’t know you could dance.” She said to the now-swaying wall. “You’re good.”


Buffy leapt in the air. “How did you know my name?” She demanded of the wall.

“Of course I know your name.” The wall replied in annoyance, in a decidedly female voice.

“I didn’t know you were female. Sorry.” She apologised quickly.

“Buffy, stop babbling and let me the fuck in!”

“What? How can I let a wall in? The wall was here before me.” She asked in confusion.

“Butterfly, it’s Taz. Not a wall. I’m outside your door. Let me in.”

“Are you alright?” Lindsey asked Faith, enjoying a very rare quiet night without millions of well-wishing relatives around them.

“Me? Fine.” She replied absently.

“It’s just that you’ve barely said two words to me all night. You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

“What? No. Sorry, I was just thinking about B.” She smiled reassuringly.

“What about her?”

“She seems different somehow. I don’t know. And she’s being kinda jumpy. And she went absolutely nuts when I mentioned setting her up with Mark.”

“Taz had much the same reaction.” He replied, with a small smile. “She said that Buffy was gay.” He ran a finger down her arm.

“B, gay? Really, Taz said that?” Faith asked in confusion. This was certainly news to her. Buffy would have told her if she was gay, wouldn’t she? Then again, they didn’t see each other that much anymore. And Faith did have to admit, she’d been somewhat wrapped up in Lindsey recently. And Taz did have excellent gaydar.

“I thought she was joking. You would have told me if she was, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, B’s never said anything like that to me—” Faith clapped her hand over her mouth and paled slightly.

“Faith, are you ok?”

“Oh, shit! Last night, really drunk, half passed out, I thought I was dreaming. Oh shit! She probably thinks I’m the most insensitive person on the planet!” She jumped to her feet, gathering her bag and coat that were strewn on the floor. “I thought she was just freaked out by Taz and trying to be cool with it. Argh!”

“Faith, where are you going?” He asked, watching her with mild amusement and she rushed around babbling.

“To see B. God, I hope she doesn’t hate me.” She dropped a quick kiss on his cheek and rushed out.

Lindsey sighed. So much for their quiet night in.

Taz watched Buffy stagger around with a mixture of amusement and annoyance. After Buffy had opened the door, she had received a greeting so warm that parts of her were still tingling. Buffy had launched herself onto Taz, the velocity of which had knocked them both to the ground, where they lay hugging on the floor for several minutes before Buffy managed to get up.

Then Buffy had dragged her back into her room, where she had introduced Taz to the wall, only she had called it Spike. Her wording had made Taz blush.

“Taz, meet Spike. Spike this is Taz, she’s my bosom buddy. A close friend of my bosom.” She leant on the wall and whispered to it, “My bosom likes her bosom too!” Then she had laughed so hard she fell over.

All this had been quite fun, but the fact that Buffy was wearing pink bunny pyjamas made it all the more worth witnessing.

But now Buffy was babbling about Faith, and that was a lot less fun.

“C’mon, Butterfly. You’re horribly drunk, I want you to get into bed. I’m going to get you a glass of water.”

“Stay with me.” Buffy pouted.

“You want me to stay with you?” Taz asked in wonderment.

“Yeah! Big bed!” Buffy replied, bouncing on it. “Stay.”

“One condition. You drink a glass of water before you fall asleep.” Taz aimed for a stern commanding voice, and it almost came out right.

Buffy pouted a little. “I’m not thirsty. I have vodka.”

Taz took the bottle from Buffy’s hand, and replaced it with a glass of water from the minibar. “Drink up.”

Buffy obediently drank the water. “Now stay?”

Taz grinned and started taking off her shoes, not noticing how Buffy was watching her every move.

She finally climbed into bed just wearing a T-shirt. “Budge over.”

“Hug me?” Buffy whispered in a tiny voice.

What the hell. Taz thought wryly. It’s probably my only chance.

Faith walked up the stairs, cursing the idiots who’s managed to get themselves stuck in the elevator. She wandered down the hall, and finally found Buffy’s room.

The door wasn’t shut, just pushed to. B’s probably drinking again. She thought with a grin. Drinking and cursing my name for being a crap friend. The grin died slightly.

She walked into Buffy’s room and the grin died completely when she saw Buffy and Taz—her best friend and her sister in law, the two most important women in her life—curled up in bed together.

She bit back the tears. Was she so unimportant to them that they wouldn’t tell her if they were together? Or had they been trying to tell her and she just hadn’t listened?

She left, shutting the door softly as she left.

It’s dedicated to Rach for a number of reasons, such as: her hair, the fact she wrote me some beautiful lyrics for another fic I was working on, the fact that she’s a brain and is actually taking classes to learn how to argue effectively (wow, anyone else scared?) and loads of other stuff that makes her one of my favourite people on the net.

Chapter 14

Faith sat out on the McDonald’s wraparound front veranda, smoking a cigarette.

She had woken early and was unable to get back to sleep. She had contemplated sneaking into Lindsey’s room, but decided against it.

Mr and Mrs Mac were cool, but had been revisiting the dark ages since Lindsey uttered the word ‘marriage’. They had insisted that Faith and Lindsey move into their home before the wedding, but they had to have separate rooms.

The house was quiet, but then again, it was the early hours of the morning. Even the cook hadn’t arrived yet, and she started at six am. She took a sip of her orange juice, then crunched up an ice cube.

She was slowly working herself into a fit of temper. Why hadn’t Buffy told her that she was gay, and more so, that she was now dating her soon-to-be-sister-in-law?

She had noticed a closeness between the two of them, but chalked it up to a good mesh of personalities.

Buffy had had plenty of opportunities to tell her. So why hadn’t she?

Because you didn’t listen to a damn thing she said. A voice in her head replied.

She sighed, and began running through the conversations she’d had with Buffy recently.

There was that time she’d say that she was like Taz. Or maybe she said she liked Taz. Faith wasn’t too sure.

She wasn’t even sure who she was pissed off at. Herself for not listening, or Taz and Buffy for not telling.

However, the sight of Taz walking up the drive with a guilty look on her face intensified her annoyance.

Taz sighed, sighting Faith on the veranda. Typical, the one and only time she felt like sneaking around and it happened to be the day Faith decided that it’s time to appreciate the early morning stillness.

She wasn’t sure why she didn’t feel like talking to Faith. Well, she did. She doubted she could get through a conversation with her without either pounding Faith’s head against a wall—should she name the wall like Buffy did?—or falling asleep.

How could Faith not notice that Buffy was crushing on her? More than crushing.

Then again, Buffy had barely noticed Taz, so maybe there was a lot of it going around.

“Howdy, Purple.” Faith said, slightly coldly.

Taz grinned tiredly. “Hey, sis.”

“Bit early for you, isn’t it? Or was it a really late night?”

“Both.” Taz replied. “It’s too early to be awake, but yes, it was a late night.”

She regretted leaving Buffy, but she didn’t want to be there when Buffy woke up. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be around the tiny blonde—far from it. But there was only so much heart-crushing a girl could take, and Taz didn’t fancy a morning of listening to how stupid Faith was (when she didn’t listen) and how amazing she was (all other times). She had listened to it all several times last night, before Buffy finally passed out.

She smiled slightly, remembering how Buffy snuggled into her arms and how she muttered in her sleep about purple butterflies. Maybe Buffy did know she existed.

“Did you pull? Got a girlfriend? Spill the gossip, Taz.” Faith said eagerly, but Taz didn’t like the look in her eyes.

“No, nothing like that. A friend just needed a shoulder to cry on.” She replied, she was almost telling the truth. She didn’t need to hide spending the night at Buffy’s hotel, but she didn’t want to be the one that had to pound it into Faith’s skull that her blonde best friend was ass over tit in love with her.

“You know you could tell me if you were dating.” Faith told her.

Taz’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Sure. I know that.”

“So are you?” Faith pressed again.

“No. Why?”

“Well, I was just thinking, with us being such good friends, and practically sisters, that we haven’t really talked during the past few days. So, I was wondering if you’d found someone.”

I have, thought Taz ruefully. But she’s in love with you. “Nope. No dating for Taz at the moment.” She replied, sticking to the truth.

Taz didn’t like the expression on Faith’s face, but wrote it off as tiredness—on her part at least.

“I’m going shopping with Buffy—sorry, Butterfly—today. Any messages?” Faith asked.

“None that I can think of.” Taz replied, puzzled. “I expect I’ll see her later. Anyway, I’m going back to bed. It’s too early for all this conversational stuff.”

She wandered away, wondering what was up with Faith, but really too tired to concentrate.

Faith glared at Taz’s retreating back. She had given her ample opportunity to tell her that she was dating Buffy. In fact, she had lied outright about it. Why? Ok, so she had been a little wrapped up with Lindsey and the wedding—but she was getting married in a couple of days, it didn’t make her a bad friend.

Did it?

Sorry if Ann Summers is a UK reference. It’s basically a shop for sexy undies, and other kinky items.

Chapter 15

“What?” Buffy answered the phone feebly.

“B, is that any way to speak to your best friend in the whole world?”


“Uh-huh. How many best friends do you have?”

“It’s too early.” Buffy sipped a glass of water slowly, trying to fight the nausea.

“B, it’s gone ten.”

“At night?” Buffy asked, somewhat alarmed. She hadn’t yet opened her curtains.

“No, morning.”

“Good, hate to have lost a day.”

“Anyway, shopping. You’ve got to be fitted for your dress today, and then I have to get some gifts for Lindsey’s nieces that are going to be the bridesmaids—it’s apparently what brides do. They bribe tiny children to behave during the ceremony with promises of expensive presents.” Faith laughed.

“Ok.” More shopping? Please god, no more flowers. “I’m hungover, give me an hour?”

“Sure. We can go for lunch as well, then we can have a really good talk. You know best friend to best friend.

Oh god, not more babbling about how wonderful Lindsey is! Buffy thought, but managed to feign enthusiasm. “Ok! Sounds great.” She said as perkily as she could, despite her hangover and indifference to hearing about how romantic Lindsey could be.

Faith waited only forty-five minutes before appearing at Buffy’s door. She had spent six hours pacing, waiting for what Buffy would deem a reasonable time to call. Then after that she had to wait another hour? No way.

Buffy answered the door looking pale and tired. “I don’t think I feel weddingy today.”

“Sorry, B. It’s not my fault you drank yourself stupid last night. And I need you to try on your dress.”

“Ok, fine.” Buffy grabbed her bag then locked the door behind her. “But don’t get at me if I’m paler than your dress.”

“You know, it doesn’t help that she’s paler than the dress.” Faith commented to the lady making last minute adjustments to Buffy’s dress. “Say it with me, B. Sunlight.

Buffy responded only by sticking her tongue out at Faith. Anything else was too much hassle.

She had been worried about the dress, she had seen too many wedding where the everyone looked like big clouds with tiaras on top. Faith being Faith had chosen a nice minimal dress. A full length silver satin slip dress that clung on top and billowed out, but not too much at the bottom.

“I like the dress.” She admitted.

“Good. Mrs Mac was jonesing for pale pink, but luckily it clashed with Taz’s hair.” Faith grinned.

“Taz is a life-saver.”

Faith’s face hardened a little. “Yeah.”

Buffy was surprised when, as they were leaving the shop, Faith linked arms with her. It just wasn’t something that Faith did. Buffy grinned at her.

Faith stopped dead. Buffy continued a few paces before managing to stop before she dislocated her shoulder.

“What?” She asked.

Faith was staring at the Ann Summers shop dead ahead.

“No.” Buffy said quickly.

“Yes.” Faith replied. “Yes.” She tugged Buffy’s arm. “C’mon, B. Live a little.”

“No. I live just fine. I don’t want to look at the kinky stuff!”

“Well, I do! Say, don’t suppose you get a discount, seeing as your surname is Summers?”

“No!” Buffy stopped moving, forcing Faith to drag her along.

“B, it’s not scary, just a few crotchless panties and some vibr—”

“Do NOT finish that word!” Buffy blushed furiously.

“C’mon, B. Don’t be such a prude.”


“I’ll do you a deal. You come in here with me, you don’t have to buy anything, just stand with me, and I promise I won’t ask you to come to double-check the final order for the flowers.” Faith grinned. Buffy didn’t have to know that she’d already done that before they’d met up.

That swung it for Buffy though. “Done.” She grabbed Faith’s arm. “Let’s go.”

They entered the shop, and Buffy fought the urge to blush. It wasn’t so much the clothes and the vibr… other things bothered her, but Faith was there, and ideas and visuals kept running through her head.

Faith seemed to be in her element, looking around trying to see everything at once.

Buffy spotted a range of handcuffs and moved closer, seeing that some had fur around them, for comfort, she supposed. She saw a set with purple fur and turned to Faith. “What do I get if I actually buy something from here?”

Faith raised her eyebrows. “Depends on the item.”

Buffy held the set of handcuffs up. “For Taz. Kind of a thank you for last night.” She grinned.

Faith’s eyebrows shot up further, almost disappearing into her hairline at Buffy’s candidness. She quickly regained her composure. “Oh, I know about that.”

“I guess Taz told you.” Buffy said, searching for her wallet.

“Would have preferred it from you, B.” Faith said, following Buffy to the counter.

“I didn’t think it was such a big deal.” She replied offhandedly, dumping the cuffs in front of the bored-looking sales assistant.

“B, you’re my best friend. Anything that happens is a big deal to me. You’re important to me.”

“Ok. Bad B.” She handed some money over. “I’ll be totally honest with you from now on.” She picked up the bag, thankful that it was plain white and made from very thick plastic.

“I was kinda annoyed that neither of you told me straight out.” Faith said.

Buffy’s brow furrowed. Why would Taz staying over bug Faith so much. Then it clicked. Faith must be pissed that she was trying to take Taz away from her. She remembered how close the were when she first saw them in the airport. Faith must be having an anxiety attack or something.

“Sorry, Fai. I won’t do it again. What can I do to make it up to you?”

Faith’s eyes lit up at the perfect payback. “Try one of those.” She pointed to the vibrator section.

Buffy’s jaw hit the floor so hard that she was sure that it could be heard shattering in surrounding states. A hot blush flooded her face.

Faith laughed. “Gutter mind! You test them on the tip of your nose, the one that makes you sneeze is the one for you!”

“How do you know this?”

“I saw a documentary.” Faith replied easily.

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll do this for you, but only because you’re my best friend.” Buffy replied, trying to stop herself from blushing as she picked up a vibrator with shaking hands.

She nearly poked her eye out the first time because she was shaking so badly.

“Jeez, B. No wonder you don’t do guys.” Faith took it from her and held it against Buffy’s nose and turned it on.

Buffy wondered briefly about Faith’s comment before the buzzing started tickling her nose. She giggled, then sneezed.

“Yes!” Faith exclaimed loudly. “We have a winner!”

Buffy sneezed again.

Faith laughed at Buffy’s face, all puckered up for another sneeze.

“Eight sneezes in a row is equal to an orgasm, B!”

Buffy sneezed.

“Did you know that when you sneeze you use the same muscles as you do when you come?” Faith asked.

“You’re not—asssshooo—helping.”

Faith could barely stand from laughing so hard.

Buffy sneezed again, grabbing Faith for balance, and they both toppled over.

“Alright. OUT!” The sales assistant became positively animated, threatening them with the police if they didn’t go.

They staggered out, leaning on each other, laughing hard.

“Are you done sneezing?” Faith asked when she finally got her breath back.

Buffy sneezed three times in a row.

I’ve totally abandoned the plot of the movie. Hands up anyone who cares?
Big thanks to Kimberly, beta extraordinaire for picking up all my silly mistakes. Thanks to Saz also.

Chapter 16

“God, I didn’t think I was gonna stop sneezing.” Buffy muttered, taking a sip of her water. No wine with lunch. No. No alcohol. Alcohol is evil.

“Yeah, me too. Maybe we should go back and buy it. I mean, I have to get gifts for all the bridesmaids—although you’re the matron of honour—I could get you that.” Faith said.

Buffy giggled. “Don’t think it would look too great at the gift giving.”

“Yeah.” Faith agreed. “All the same, if it did that to your nose…”

“Stop that thought!” She cautioned her friend, glad that they were finally having some alone time where neither of them were drunk. And Faith was being Faith, not the future Mrs McDonald. She may actually be able to tell her that she was gay.

Now might be a good time. “Faith?”

“Yeah?” To her surprise, Faith leant forward, not speaking, just waiting for her to speak.

Buffy bit her lip, this was more difficult than she anticipated. It was easy, because Faith was listening, but at the same time, that made it more difficult.

“C’mon, B. I’m listening.” Faith encouraged.

Oh, what the hell. “I’mgay.” She said hurriedly.

“You’re gay? Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Oh.” Somehow she had been expecting a bigger reaction. Maybe shock, or a little surprise. How did everyone know she was gay, when it took her twenty-eight years to figure it out?

“I thought you were gonna share some big secret.” Faith said.

“How did you know?”

“I saw you and Taz together and I remembered what you were trying to tell me while I was busy not listening.” Faith met her eyes. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s ok, I mean, wedding looming.” Buffy replied, happy that everything was out in the open. Well, almost everything. Now probably wasn’t a good time to mention she was in love with Faith.

“No, it’s not ok, B. I wasn’t listening to you and I’m really sorry. Can you believe I was being so selfish as to blame you for not telling me? I was pissed that I had to figure it out for myself for a few hours there, but… well, I realised it was all my fault.”

“Fault on both sides.” Buffy replied, squeezing Faith’s hand softly. “So, we’re cool?”

“We’re five by five.” Faith replied, wondering why Buffy was telling her that she was gay. Didn’t they cover that already? Unless she had her wires crossed. But if that was the case, what was Buffy fessing up to earlier?

“What are you doing?”

Taz stared at her brother. “Clog-dancing, Linds, what does it look like?” She replied sarcastically.

Lindsey took a seat amongst the clutter on her bed. “It looks a lot like staring at a magic 8 ball for answers.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“I was hoping that you were actually doing something more profound.” He smiled at her. “What’s up?”

“I’m brooding, go away.” She replied, flicking her wrist to get a better answer from the purple 8 ball. Every time she asked it a question it replied yes. Did Buffy love her? Yes. Did Buffy love Faith? Yes. Would Buffy end up with Faith? Try again later. Would Buffy end up with her? Answer cannot be determined.

“Is it just me, or has everyone been insane since Buffy got here?”

“Don’t blame Butterfly!” Taz replied hotly. “None of this is her fault.”

“So you do like her.”

“I didn’t say that.” Taz said cagily.

“No?” He laughed. “You gave her a pet name, and were far too enthusiastic defending her just then. You can’t lie to me, Taz. So what’s the problem?”

Taz sighed. She’s in love with your fiancé. Even the magic 8 ball knows that. “I don’t think she likes me, not like that anyway.”

“Then she’s insane. Taz, you’re a great person. And if you didn’t look like such a freak, you’d be quite pretty too. If she doesn’t see that, she’s just not good enough for you.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “She’s not worth brooding about.”

“She is, Linds. She really is.” She said quietly, but with conviction.

“In that case, we’ll just get her to notice you.” He smiled. “Don’t say your big brother never helps you out.”

“I think she likes someone else. No, I know she likes someone else.” Taz lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

“Well, she can’t like her that much. The only people I’ve seen her with is you and Faith.”

Taz brightened considerably, not because of his words, but because if she didn’t Lindsey would catch on. He was a smart guy, and had all the plaques on his wall to prove it. “Thanks for the pep talk.” She smiled.

He got up to leave. “Any time.” He paused at the door. “Oh yeah, Mom wanted to know if you wanted to invite Buffy up to the ranch while Faith and I are away—apparently Buffy likes to horse ride.”

“She does?” Taz asked. Buffy, city girl a horse rider? Didn’t seem plausible.

“Who knows? You know Mom. Buffy probably nodded at the wrong time.”

Taz had her first genuine smile of the day. “She’s probably never been near a horse.”

“Invite her and seduce her. Later, sis.”

Taz brooded for several more hours before being interrupted by Faith and Buffy’s return from their shopping trip.

“Hey Taz!” Buffy greeted her happily, and instantly sank down on the bed. Taz was pleased to notice, that despite the space on the bed, Buffy sat close to her.

“Good shopping?” She asked, trying to be perky.

“Yes.” Buffy grinned, then winked at Faith. “I got you something.”

Taz brightened considerably. “Oh yeah?”

Faith watched to two of them interact, and a pang of jealousy hit. “I’m gonna say hi to Linds and then I’ll be back.” She said, mainly so she wouldn’t have to see them get snuggly.

Taz watched her go. “That was abrupt.” She commented.

“I think she’s dealing with me being gay. She’s been kinda weird since I told her. It must have been a shock for her, despite what she said.” Buffy replied.

“You told her? Well done!” Taz hugged her tightly.


Taz reluctantly released her. “So where’s my present?”

“I warn you, it didn’t seem as dumb when I was in the shop.” Buffy passed the bag to her. “It’s kind of a jokey thank you for putting up with my drunkenness last night.”

Taz raised her eyebrows as she took the handcuffs out of the bag.

“They’re purple!” Buffy said, almost pleading with Taz to like them.

“Well,” she said finally. “Well done for finding the only purple thing I didn’t own to add to my collection.”

Buffy laughed. “I got you a purple keyring too, to go on the keys.”

Taz cracked up. “You, Butterfly, are priceless.” She hugged Buffy once more.

Buffy hugged her back. The hug quickly turned into a tickle war.

“Hey.” Faith stepped into Lindsey’s arms and hugged him tightly.

“Hey.” He responded, slightly startled by her greeting. “You ok?”

“Just needed a hug.” She replied, not letting go.

“You know what I was thinking? I was thinking that we should take Taz and Buffy out to dinner tonight.”

Faith sighed. She didn’t know why it bothered her seeing Taz and Buffy together, but it did. However, she could hardly object, not when she didn’t have a single reason to, let alone a good one. “Ok. That’ll be nice.”

“Let’s go ask them now.” He suggested.

Faith sighed again, but allowed herself to be shepherded back to Taz’s room.

When they walked in they were greeted by the site of Taz pinning Buffy down on the bed, both girls were red in the face and breathless. The handcuffs next to them didn’t help convey the innocence of the situation.

Lindsey grinned, deciding that it couldn’t be that difficult to get them together.

Faith did not grin.

I have decided to forgo the Buffy/Lindsey catfight (that Liv said was a must for this fic) simply because there isn’t a good place to work it in. Unfortunately, I had it all planned in my mind, then forgot to add it in the place where it would have fitted.

Chapter 17

The dinner was a nightmare. Faith sulked all the way through, but wouldn’t give any explanation for her sudden mood. Lindsey ended up miserable because Faith wouldn’t talk to anyone. He also noted that Buffy spent more time trying to cheer Faith up than notice Taz’s blatant flirtation. Buffy started sulking when Faith wouldn’t respond to her. She eventually started paying attention to Taz, who by then was also in a huff because she didn’t enjoy being ignored.

Faith finally perked up when she saw the distance between Taz and Buffy, but by then it was too late for anyone to care.

They all said surly goodbyes and headed in different directions. Faith decided to walk Buffy back to her hotel, and the McDonald siblings went home to ponder (and possibly brood over) what just happened.

“B, you ok?” Faith asked.

“Remember when you and I went camping when we were seven, and we found that dead squirrel? Remember how we cried all week? I think tonight was worse than that entire week.”


“And you know what makes it worse?” Buffy replied, looking for her cigarettes. “The fact that I don’t know why it was such a bad night.”

“My mood probably didn’t help.” Faith said awkwardly, knowing that she caused all the bad feelings.

“Yeah, well, if you’d just tell us why you were in a bad mood we might have been able to cheer you up.” Buffy lit a cigarette with a pink lighter. Her purple one had mysteriously vanished.

“I don’t know, B. Wedding jitters?”

Buffy turned to face her hopefully. “Really?”

“Maybe.” Faith replied, taking her hand. “I don’t know. I just feel like a lot’s happened in the past couple of days.”

“You’re telling me!” Buffy smiled. “You wanna get horribly drunk with me?”

“Faith, why are you getting married?” Buffy asked suddenly, taking a big gulp of her drink.

“Dunno.” Faith responded with a grin. “He asked, I love him. Why shouldn’t I?”

“I guess…”

“What makes you ask?”

“Not sure really. You never struck me as the marriage type.” Buffy answered.

“You’re right about that. I was a total loser magnet. The only lasting relationship I’ve ever had…” Faith took another swallow of her drink. “Was with you.”

“With me?” Buffy asked.

“Yep, friends from diapers to dementia, that’s us. We’ll never lose each other.”

“Oh, friends.” Buffy said dully. She was hoping… well, that was stupid. Faith wouldn’t ever want her, not with perfect Lindsey around. She tried to turn the conversation away before Faith noticed she was brooding. “Are you nervous?”

“Yeah. I mean, you’re meant to be, aren’t you?” She ran her hand through her hair and Buffy noticed she was wearing the same Barbie ring that she had given her ten years ago. “I’m nervous I’m gonna flub my lines. And that dance you have to do… just the bride and groom? Wow, I don’t know if I can do that. Sure I can dance, but we’re talking ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ slow-slushy-movie-style dancing.”

“You wanna practice?”

“Dancing? Now?”

“Sure, why not? Think of it this way, if you dance with me while drunk, you can dance with Lindsey sober.” Buffy urged, grinning madly every time she caught sight of the ring.

“Ok.” Faith staggered to her feet and offered her hand to Buffy. “Got any music?”

Buffy got up and started hunting for her tapes. She cursed herself for not being able to label a tape, it was pure laziness. She finally found what she hoped was a slushy tape and slipped it into the crappy player that came with the room, hoping it would give out more music and less static than her last attempt.

“Bryan Adams? You sap, B.” Faith commented.

“Bite me, Winter. You’re gonna be dancing to this the day after tomorrow in public, so I don’t think you’re in any position to complain.” Buffy replied.

She walked over to Faith and held her arms out. Faith stepped into them and began moving to the music.

Buffy was hyperaware of the closeness of Faith’s body. One hand resting on her shoulder, drawing absent circles with her fingers, the other hand holding hers firmly, but so gently. She would have been surprised to know that Faith was having a similar response to her closeness.

“I guess this isn’t so difficult after all.” Faith murmured.

“Guess not… Faith?” She almost whispered.

Buffy plucked up her courage. “Would there be any reason why you wouldn’t marry Lindsey?”

“Like what?” She asked softly.

“Like me.” Buffy whispered.

“You don’t like Lindsey?”

“I like you.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean, I like you.” Buffy took a deep breath. “I love you. Like Lindsey loves you.” She added for good measure.

Faith met her eyes, surprised that tears were forming in Buffy’s green eyes. “You do?” She asked, moving slightly closer.

“I do.” Buffy replied.

Faith moved closer still, overcome by the urge to kiss the girl she had always considered her best friend.

Their lips were only millimetres apart when the song abruptly changed to “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll”. The mood was ruined by the sudden change of pace.

Faith leapt back. “What the fuck are you doing?” She demanded. “I’m with Lindsey, you’re with Taz. Don’t do this!” She grabbed her coat and headed for the door.


“Forget it, B! It’s never going to happen.”

Buffy followed quickly. “What? I’m not—”

“Save it, B.” Faith snapped and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. By the time she had opened the door Faith was gone.

She went slowly back to her room and sank down on her bed, the tears already flowing with no signs of stopping.

Chapter 18

“I’ve admitted defeat.” Taz told her brother.

“Why? What’s happened since this afternoon? Ok, so she didn’t flirt back straight away, but Faith’s her best friend. Maybe she felt obligated to cheer her up before sorting her own love life out.” Lindsey argued.

Taz opened her mouth to respond, then shut it. It wouldn’t do anyone any favours to let Lindsey know that Buffy was lusting after Faith. “Maybe.” She replied, sulkily. “And what’s up with Faith? Did you two have a fight or something?”

Lindsey shrugged helplessly. “No, we didn’t. She was acting off when she got back from shopping with Buffy. Did they have a fight? It would explain a lot.”

Taz shook her head. “Nope. Buffy said they had a great time. They even got kicked out off Ann Summers for laughing too much.”

Taz lit a cigarette and sighed deeply.

“Can I have one of those?”

Taz stared at her brother. “You don’t smoke.”

“It’s one of those nights.”

A door slammed and they both heard swearing and cursing as Faith entered the house.

“Damage control. You get Faith, I’ll go see Buffy. We don’t want the two of them destroying the wedding with their bad moods.” Taz said, with a grin.

“Good luck.”

“You too.”

“Hey, Butterfly, it’s me.” Taz called through the door, hoping that she wasn’t going to have to spend ten minutes convincing Buffy that she wasn’t a wall. She was also hoping that she wouldn’t have to be introduced to the wall either.

However, when Buffy answered the door, Taz found herself wishing for a drunken, wall-hugging Buffy instead.

Her face was pale, here eyes were red and her skin was blotchy.

Taz’s mind went blank. She could only think of one thing to say. And it was a really stupid thing.

“Are you ok?”

“No I’m not!” Snapped Faith, making Lindsey step back in alarm.

“So,” he tried carefully. “What’s wrong?”

Faith stopped pacing and turned to look at him, her expression changing rapidly as she worked out how to word what she was going to say. “What would you do if you knew that Buffy was cheating on Taz?” She asked finally.


“You heard.” Faith replied calmly.

“I think the question’s a little premature since they’re not even dating.”

“Lindsey, open your eyes, of course they are.” She responded.

“If they’re dating, why was I consoling my baby sister, not ten minutes ago, about Buffy not noticing her?” He asked.

“You what?”

“Yeah.” Buffy held her finger and thumb only millimetres apart. “This close to a kiss and all of a sudden the track changes and she’s disappearing at the speed of light. What do you think it means? She was going to kiss me, that’s a good sign, right?”

“Whatever.” Taz replied dully.

“What do you mean, ‘whatever’?” Buffy asked, upset by Taz’s monotone.

“I mean, whatever. Don’t forget that’s my brother’s fiancé you’re stealing.” Taz snapped back. “You don’t get it—”

“—Buffy and Taz aren’t dating.”

“But, Buffy said… well, I… and Taz… They’re not?” Faith bit her lip, confused.

“No.” Lindsey touched her hand. “That’s what the dinner was about, I was trying to set them up. Be a good big brother.”

“Oh, shit.” Faith ran her fingers through her hair. “B probably thinks I’m a lunatic.”

“To be fair, she’s known you all your life, this probably isn’t a brand new revelation for her.” He smiled trying to lighten the mood.

“Jesus, Linds! Do you have to be such a smug bastard?” Faith snapped at him, for no particular reason, other than she was pissed off, confused and he was there.

He stared at her, hurt.

“What?” She asked angrily. “I’m going to see B. Stay here and sulk if you like.” She snapped and walked out of the room before he could formulate a reply.

“You’ve changed your tune. When I first told you I was in love with her you were all for me breaking them up.”

“I wasn’t all for you breaking them up! I was all for working out Faith’s sexuality. It’s two entirely different things!” Taz retorted.

“For working out Faith’s sexuality?” Buffy repeated. “What, so you could have her?”

Taz snorted angrily. “Hardly. She’s not my type. And she doesn’t love you. Not like that and she never will. Believe me, I know what it’s like to be on the unloved side. It bites, but you can’t change it. Why? Because the person you love is always in love with someone else!”

“What’s that supposed to mean? That I shouldn’t even try?” Buffy stormed.

“You can try all you like, but it won’t get you anywhere! You can stand in front of her, laying your heart on the line and she won’t even notice!” Taz was aware she was dangerously close to tears. This was not going well.

“So you’ve tried that with Faith?” Buffy asked, barely keeping a lid on her anger.

“I’m trying it with you!”

The room fell silent.

Buffy took a deep breath, ready to respond, she wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but it was going to be good, she was sure. She never actually got that far though, she was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Taz’s face crumpled. “I need the bathroom.” She said almost running from Buffy and slamming the door behind her.

Buffy opened the door, ready to yell at whoever was behind it. However, the sight of Faith looking pissed off as hell took all words right out of her mouth.

“Hey B.”

“Hi, Faith.” She replied cautiously.

“Can I come in?”

Buffy opened the door further. Strangely, she found herself hoping this would be short. She and Taz had been talking damn it! Well, shouting really, but things had been said… and they needed to talk them through.

“B, look, I’m sorry for yelling at you. I thought you and Taz were seeing each other.” Faith started pacing. “I’m sorry I upset you.”

“It’s fine.” Replied Buffy distractedly. Couldn’t this wait until tomorrow?

“No, it’s not. You see, when we were dancing… I, well, you…” Faith started pacing, at a loss to explain how she felt. She had wanted to kiss Buffy. And she had felt decidedly jealous when she thought her best friend had been seeing Taz. But she loved Lindsey, that much was true.

“Really, it’s fine, Faith.”

Faith then did something that neither of them were expecting. She leant over and kissed Buffy. Buffy was shocked at first, then responded to the kiss. Her fingers tangling her hair, she closed her eyes, imagining the purple softness.

Buffy froze mid kiss.


It was highly unfortunate that Taz chose that moment to walk out of the bathroom.

Buffy broke away from Faith and the first thing she saw was Taz. “Taz, this isn’t what…”

“Oh like I care!” Taz pushed past them, trying to leave before the tears started, but Buffy grabbed her wrist.

“Taz, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise to me, I’m nobody. Save your apologies for Lindsey for kissing his fiancé!” She snapped angrily.


Everyone turned to find the source of the new voice. Lindsey was standing in the doorway.

Buffy sank back against the wall muttering, “This has to be a nightmare. Even real life can’t be this bad.”

“You kissed my fiancé?” Lindsey demanded angrily, then turned to Faith. “How long has this been going on?”

“It was just a kiss.” Faith defended herself weakly, knowing that nothing she said was going to save this.

“Just a kiss?” Taz repeated incredulously. “That was total lip-lock with a lot of tongue thrown in for good measure!”

“Oh, let’s overreact shall we!”

“Don’t bitch at my sister! She’s not in the wrong here.”

“It was just a kiss, Lindsey, I’m sorry. It didn’t mean anything, I swear.” Faith pleaded.

“Oh thanks, Faith!” Buffy snapped from her place on the floor. “You walk in, kiss me, screw up my life on a fucking whim?”

“Let’s not forget your part in this.” Taz turned on her. “You kissed her back.”

“I was surprised. But I realised that I was kissing the wrong person.”

“Oh, so what was all that love stuff you were saying earlier?” Faith demanded. “Was that just something you do for fun? Declare undying love, see what you can get, and then move on?”

“I thought I loved you.” Buffy burst into tears, and Taz quickly followed suit.

“But you don’t?”

“No. Not that way.” Buffy wiped her eyes. “I’m in love with someone else.” Taz wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“You couldn’t have worked this out before now?”

“So what does that mean?” Lindsey once more joined the conversation. “That if she did love you, you’d leave me for her?”

“It means I was confused.” Faith decided that with two people in the room already crying there was no point in trying to fight her own tears.

There was another moment of quiet, once more interrupted by a knock on the door. An employee of the hotel timidly poked his head around the door.

“Excuse me.” He spoke softly and fearfully. “People have made complaints. Could you please keep the fighting to a minimal?” He vanished before anyone could respond.

The anger in the room vanished, leaving weary hurt in place. The silence was thick with tension.

“I’m going home.” Lindsey said finally. “Taz, I’ll walk you.”

Taz nodded and moved towards the door.

“Lindsey…” Faith began.

“I don’t want to get into this tonight. It’s too late and we’re obviously not achieving much now.” His voice was devoid of all emotion.

“Do you want me to stay somewhere else?” She asked in a tight voice.

He shook his head. “No, but I don’t want to talk to you right now either.”

Not another word was spoken as the three of them left Buffy’s room, although Buffy’s faint sobs were audible.

The big fat thanks go to Rach, for writing the lyrics for this story. The song is called “What If?” by the Aediles, which will be Rach’s band. She’s amazing, and if you’re gonna feedback this chapter, make sure you feedback Rach, she deserves it more than I do.

Rachie Pid, I love you to bits. You’re amazing. You’re my muse. You’re my tiramisu! *grins* (And no, we still don’t believe in cyber shagging/love/whatever.)

Chapter 19

Taz woke up some time after noon to the sound of shouting. “I guess Faith and Linds didn’t work it out.” She muttered, pulling some clothes on.

She glared at her Britney poster. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” She told the smiling scantily-clad girl in the poster. “I was supposed to seduce Buffy before any of this happened. I thought it was working.”

She dragged a brush through her purple hair. “I’m even turning into her. I’m talking to a poster.” She sighed. “At least it’s not a wall.”

Her eye fell on her magic 8-ball. An answer would be nice. She picked up the ball and asked, “Did Buffy mean me when she said she was in love with someone other than Faith?”

She shook it. No.

“No? No? Then who the fuck was she talking about?” She demanded of the ball. “Shall I throw you out of the window?”

She flicked her wrist and got Yes as the answer.

“Typical, I’ve got the only suicidal 8-ball on the planet.” She opened her window and hurled the ball out of it.

“Taryn!! You’re answer ball just crash landed in my azaleas!”

Taz grinned and stuck her head out of the window. “Sorry, Mom.”

“You will be.” Her Mom assured her. “I’ve spent years growing them!”

“Well, consider this assault a challenge.” Taz replied.

Mrs McDonald frowned at Taz. “They’re supposed to coordinate with the wedding flowers. Now they’re covered in bits of purple plastic and an unidentifiable blue liquid. What will people think?”

The smile died on Taz’s lips. If the wedding didn’t go ahead her mother would be worrying about more than her azaleas.

Buffy woke up with a headache. This time it wasn’t from alcohol, it was from crying. Her alarm clock went off loudly for the first time since she had arrived. She frowned at it, not remembering setting it.

Her hand moved towards it, wanting to shut off the tinny sound, but paused as she listened to the lyrics.

You were so perfect
And I couldn’t even see
You could have been my everything
You were my ‘meant to be”

You were all I could ever need
To love and to adore
But I let you slip away
While looking for something more

So what if I told you I loved you?
Would you even believe me after this?
So what if I told you I’m sorry?
Would you give me a chance that I wont miss?

So what if I told you I needed you?
Would you give yourself just like before?
And what if I told you I wanted you?
Would you take me and make me feel I’m yours?

She decided it was time for another good cry in the shower.

“How many times do I have to tell you? It was just a kiss.” Faith defended herself.

“If it was just a kiss, why is everyone so upset?” Lindsey countered. “And Taz said that you kissed her. Not the other way around.”

“I don’t know why I did that.” She admitted. “I really don’t. But it didn’t mean anything.”

“Maybe not to you.” Lindsey replied as he walked out of the room.

I had an angel before me
And I chose to ignore
I still failed to notice
That you were what I was searching for

You’re the other half of me
I must have been so blind
You are the answer
To every question in my mind.

So what if I told you I loved you?
Would you even believe me after this?
So what if I told you I’m sorry?
Would you give me a chance that I won’t miss?

So what if I told you I needed you?
Would you give yourself up just like before?
And what if I told you I wanted you?
Would you take me and make me feel I’m yours?

Buffy dried her face and started to moisturise under her eyes, wondering how to get rid of the bags that had taken up permanent residence on her face.

It hurts that I hurt you
Because you’re the world to me
I would gladly be your always
If only you’d let me…

She turned off the radio with a snap. Listening to depressing music was not the way forward.

She wanted Taz.

She stopped staring at her newfound wrinkles and smiled.

“I am in love with Taz.” She told her reflection. “And I’m going to get her. Even if I have to get Faith and Lindsey back together in the process.”

“Taryn, Buffy’s here for you.”

Taz reluctantly wandered out of her room and peered over the banister at her father.

“Tell her I’m out.” She said.

He sighed deeply. “I can’t do that. I’ve already told her you’re here. Now come downstairs and talk to her.”

“Dad…” She pleaded.

“No. If you’ve got a problem with one of your friends you’re just going to have to deal with it.

Taz sighed and made her way downstairs to where Buffy was waiting.

“Hey.” She said dejectedly. She took in Buffy’s appearance, bad hair, bloodshot eyes, no make-up and an outfit that did her no favours. “You look worse than I feel.” She commented.

“Hi, Taz.” Buffy said tentatively. “I understand that you’re pissed at me right now.”

Taz nodded. “No kidding.”

“But I want to tell you something.”

Taz shrugged indifferently.

Buffy took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you.”

Taz shrugged again. “That’s it?”

Buffy’s face was frozen in shock. “I…” She sighed. “Isn’t it enough?”

“Enough?” Taz laughed coldly. “My brother’s wedding probably won’t go ahead because his future wife was swapping spit with you, my parents are cheerfully oblivious that everyone is miserable and you waltz in, declare love and expect everything to be fixed? No, Buffy, it’s not enough.”

Buffy’s shoulders slumped. She got the picture, she’d blown it. She was no longer Butterfly, or Flappy. She was just Buffy.

She left the McDonald house feeling worse than she had ever felt.

Chapter 20

Lindsey was on his way home when he encountered a heartbroken looking Buffy. There’s a lot of that going around, he thought without humour.

He had gone for a walk to get away from his problems, but it appeared his problems had taken a walk with him.

“Lindsey!” She called and waved.

He sighed deeply. Buffy was the last person he wanted to see. No, amend that, the second to last person he wanted to see. Faith was still at the house.

He wondered idly how rude it would be if he ran in the opposite direction. Considering the circumstances, it probably wouldn’t be unexpected.

Unfortunately he caught her eye and his softer side began to give in. His sister was crazy about this girl. Maybe he had overreacted. Or not. He wasn’t sure, but maybe Buffy could shed some light on the subject.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it. “It was a mistake. A stupid mistake, and I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry you kissed her, or sorry you got caught?” He snapped, then regretted it. Her face crumpled and the tears began to fall. From the tracks on her face, it hadn’t been long since her last tearful outburst.

“I’m sorry the kiss ever happened.” She responded wiping her eyes. “I love Taz and now she doesn’t want a thing to do with me. And I’m really sorry that you and Faith are arguing about it. I don’t know why she kissed me. She doesn’t love me.” She shrugged. “I’ve spent the past week trying to tell her I’m gay but I couldn’t get a word in edgeways because she was so busy talking about you.”

Lindsey sighed and found himself touching her shoulder supportively. This girl had kissed his fiancé and somehow he was feeling sorry for her.

“Do you believe me?” She asked, looking up at him. The look on her face made her look like a lost little girl.

“Yes. I believe you.” He found that he did believe her. He believed that the kiss had meant nothing to Buffy. It didn’t mean that he believed it meant nothing to Faith.

“So the wedding’s still on?” She asked.

He shrugged.

“But you said you believe me. Faith loves you.” Buffy told him forcefully. “The kiss didn’t mean anything to either of us… it still managed to fuck things up royally though.”

“That it did.” He agreed, but without blame in his voice.

“Well, I’m sorry.” She repeated. “Can you do me a favour? I mean, I know I’m the last person you feel like doing favours for, but would you consider it?”

“What’s the favour?”

“Can you tell Taz I meant what I said? And tell her I’m really sorry it’s not enough.”

“I can do that.”

“Hey, sis.” Lindsey stuck his head through the door.

Taz gave him a faint smile. “Howdy. How are you?”

He walked into her room and took a seat on her bed. “Probably not as bad as Mom, she’s still stressing because someone threw a magic 8-ball in her azaleas.”

She grinned. “Guilty as charged. You’d make a great lawyer.”

“So what did the 8-ball do to you?”

“It totally deserved it.” She told him. “It had it coming.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“It told me that Butterfly didn’t love me.” She admitted with a sigh.

“And you believed it? Why don’t you just talk to her?”

She picked up a strand of her hair and started examining for split ends.

“Taz?” He prodded.

“idid.” She muttered.

“Once more in a tone that I can hear, and please try to separate your words.”

“I did talk to her!”


“And what? She kissed your fiancé! You can’t be her biggest fan right now. Are you and Faith even talking? Let’s deal with the more important stuff first.” She exploded. “You are supposed to marry Faith tomorrow morning and the first thing I heard when I woke up were the two of you yelling.”

He took a deep breath and hoped Taz was done ranting for now, otherwise it could be hard to get a word in. “First of all, she didn’t kiss Faith. Faith kissed her. Second of all, she’s in love with you. She told me so herself. And thirdly, I’m not sure if the wedding is going ahead, but there’s no reason why both the McDonald siblings should be miserable.”

“See, you don’t know if the wedding is going ahead!” She responded angrily.

“Taryn, I can see you’re in a perverse mood because you’ve picked up on the least important sentence there.”

“How is that the least important? How often are you planning on getting married? And don’t call me Taryn.”

“Buffy loves you!” He yelled at her.

Silence reined momentarily in the room, broken by the two of them glaring at each other and saying, “Urgh, you’re so annoying.”

Lindsey had his first smile of the day, Taz continued to glare.

“Oh cheer up.” He instructed. “She’s in love with you. And she said that Faith loves me.” He sighed. “Let’s try to fix our love lives, what do you say?”

“I say no.” She replied stubbornly.

“Fine.” He said, losing patience with her. “Stay here and sulk but I’m going to try and fix mine.”

Faith was pacing agitatedly in her room. She had spent almost an hour discussing the flowers with Mrs Mac, and was dangerously close to tears again. How was she supposed to talk about the flowers when she didn’t know if the wedding was going ahead?


She nearly leapt out of her skin. She’d been so preoccupied that she hadn’t noticed Lindsey come into her room.

“Hi.” She said tentatively, not sure what to follow it with. Should she apologise again? She’d apologised hundreds of times this morning and still nothing. Then again, she was sorry, and she should really keep trying until he believed her. “I -”

“I know you’re sorry.” He said, cutting her off. “Me too. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that.”

“No, you were right. I shouldn’t have kissed B. I still don’t know why I did.”

“I think I do.” He said. “You were jealous that Taz was taking your friend away.”

“What? No! I wouldn’t…” She tailed off and thought it over. “Maybe you have a point. B’s been my best friend since I was a toddler, I didn’t want to lose her.” She looked at him. “I don’t want to lose you either. I did something stupid, and I’m really sorry.”

“I forgive you.” He smiled and took her hand. “But you’ve got two more people to apologise to.”

“Taz and B.”

He nodded. “Taz is really hurt, Buffy tried to talk to her but she cut her off. I think she’s scared she’ll be second best. And Buffy – well, I saw her earlier, she’s a mess.”

Faith nodded thoughtfully. “I really screwed things up, didn’t I?”

Chapter 21

Buffy sat alone in her hotel room. She had seriously considered raiding the mini-bar. There were only two reasons why she wasn’t doing that. The first was that she was worried she was becoming a lush. She had barely been sober for the previous week. The second and most important reason was that the mini-bar was empty because of her recent lush-like behaviour.

She was rather bored. She had listened to the radio for a few hours, but The Aediles’ “What If” had been playing non-stop. It was tipped to go straight to number one. Buffy decided that if she heard it one more time she’d have to go and cry again.

And she was sick to death of crying. She was sick of having a pounding headache and a sore throat.

It also occurred to her that she had to go home and back to the job she hated in only two days. She hated every single thing about the job. She hated her boss, she hated her lousy salary, she hated the way her boss and his brother hit on anything with tits. She hated everything. The bane of her life was the spiel she had to deliver on answering the phone. “Good morning, this is Ask For Answers, Buffy Summers speaking, how can I assist you in your quest for knowledge?”

By eleven am she always wound up getting tongue tied and saying the wrong thing. She had on occasion tried to shave it down to “Ask For Answers, Buffy speaking” but had received a verbal warning about it. And it was a stupid name for a company that printed and bound books. There was no logic to it, it was just…

Buffy looked up. Did someone just knock on the door? That could only be a good thing, she was on the verge of giving in and crying in the shower again.

“B! I know you’re pissed at me, but let me in!”

Faith. She rolled her eyes, wondering what she wanted.

Buffy opened the door. “I’m too tired to be pissed off with you.” She corrected. “A more accurate term for my mood is ‘depressed’.”

Faith entered the room, closing the door behind her. “I’m really sorry, B. This is all my fault. I screwed up.”

Buffy shrugged indifferently. “It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not, B. I really screwed up. I don’t even know why I did it. I think I was jealous.”

Buffy gave her a look.

“Not that way, but you and Taz… you just seemed to connect, and I felt left out. I mean, you’re my best friend, and I felt like I was the outsider.” She explained.

“Faith, really, it’s ok.” Buffy assured her, then changed the subject before they could start discussing her feelings about Taz and she ended up crying in the shower for a record-breaking amount of times in only a few days. “Are you and Lindsey still going ahead with the wedding?”

Faith nodded. “Yeah, thank god. I didn’t think it was gonna happen, but he went for a walk, and came back in a much better mood… So, you still gonna be my maid of honour, even though I pissed you off?”

Buffy shrugged again. What did it matter? Taz wasn’t talking to her… hold on, Faith and Lindsey were back on, would Taz find it in her heart to forgive her? There was only one way to find out. She was going to the wedding.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She replied with a hint of genuine enthusiasm.

“Good.” Faith made as if to leave, then paused. “Is this a hugging moment?”

“Not sure.” Buffy managed a grin. “Is there anyone around who might misconstrue it for something more?”

Faith looked around the empty room. “I think we’re safe.”

Mid-hug, Faith said, “Don’t forget the hen party tonight.”

“The what?” Buffy asked, not remembering a thing about it, she stepped back and stared at Faith quizzically.

“Muchas drinking to celebrate my last night of freedom.”

Buffy sighed. Lushville here she came.

“Let’s get this straight,” Taz said as she and Faith walked to the bar. “I’m still pissed off. I’m only here because my Mom would want to know why I’m staying home. This has nothing to do with�”

“B!” Faith called enthusiastically, seeing her friend. Taz’s rants were driving her nuts. Ok, she deserved them, but they seemed forced. As if Taz was trying to convince herself she should still be in a mood while everyone else wasn’t.

Buffy walked over cautiously. “Hey guys.” She said, her eyes never leaving Taz’s face. Taz refused to make eye contact.

Faith took it upon herself to try to lighten the atmosphere, which really, was because of her anyway. “Let’s drink ourselves senseless.”

“And then we can kiss people we don’t care about and then not know why we did it!” Taz said with mock-perkiness.

Faith sighed, it was going to be a long night.

Taz’s mood was getting worse with each shot she downed. By counting the glasses in front of her (and halving it because of double vision) and taking into account that she was in a horrible mood to start out with, she reckoned it would only be three more shots before she picked up an axe and began to re-enact the final scene from The Shining… only with a much larger body count. Jack Nicholson had been stranded in the snow with just an annoying kid and a buck-toothed wife, she was in a bar.

Butterf—Buffy, damn it! Even her brain couldn’t let go of the nickname!—had been trying to talk to her all night. Part of her really wanted to straighten—she snorted at the lame pun, Janie, one of Faith’s friends from work gave her an odd look—part of her wanted to… sort things out between them.

The other part of her kept telling her that she’d never measure up to Faith. She’d only be second best.

And to make matters worse, Lucy, who she’d had an extreme crush on BB (before Buffy) was flirting like mad with her.

She had considered flirting back, just to annoy Buffy, but couldn’t manage it for several reasons.

  1. She was drunk as hell and couldn’t concentrate
  2. She didn’t fancy Lucy any more.
  3. She was still hung up on Butterfly

“Her name is Buffy!” She told herself. Janie once again gave her a strange look. She assumed she must have said it aloud. She was past caring.

“Hey all!” Faith cheerfully greeted them, bearing a tray of shots. She started handing them around the table.

Three sat in front of Taz. It could be just one, she supposed. Maybe she had progressed to triple vision.

“Grab me an axe, gonna bag me a Butterfly.” She muttered.

Then she passed out.

Lyrics are from “Never Let Her Slip Away” – thanks Alan, I’ve had to download the song, it’s been going through my head ever since you emailed me.

Dedicated to: Sway, for her amazing feedback, and Kitty for giving me the idea for the ending by telling me to go for angst. I didn’t follow the Kitty pattern of angst, but it’s not the ending you expect. (I hope)

Chapter 22

Taz woke up with a killer hangover. She wondered what kind of bastard would invent the tradition of drinking yourself stupid the night before a wedding. And who the fuck set her alarm for such an ungodly hour? It was still dark outside! She was going to kill the bastard. Grab herself and axe and… oh yes, she had been watching The Shining way too much recently…

“Think I’m gonna throw up.”

Taz looked around, who the fuck was talking?

“Me first.”


She looked around again and noticed that sprawled out in her bed were Faith and Buffy. Buffy was pressed face down into the pillow, and Faith was hanging over the edge of Taz’s bed in a position that defied gravity. She smugly noted that she was between them. Then she remembered she was still pissed off with them, but the smugness remained.

“What are you two doing here?” She asked finally.

“Being hungover.” Buffy muttered, not moving her face from the pillow. Taz idly wondered if she could breathe, but decided she must be able to, or she wouldn’t have made it through the night.

“We’re bonding. It was your idea.” Faith supplied.

“Oh.” Taz couldn’t be bothered to argue so pulled the covers over her head and settled down for some more sleep.

“Did it work?” Buffy asked, her voice muffled by the pillow.

Taz considered the question. “No.”

“Ok. At least I know before I die.”

“Yeah, night Butterf�Buffy.”

“Night, Taz.”

“G’night John-Boy.” Faith added.

They all giggled softly and got comfortable once more.

There was several minutes silence and Taz almost drifted back to sleep when Faith bounced to her feet and ripped the duvet off them.

“Fuck! I’m getting married!”

Needless to say, this wasn’t the best way to start the day. Faith vanished back to her suite of rooms to have a shower and start trying to hide her hangover, while Taz and Buffy stared at each other awkwardly. It had been arranged that Buffy and Taz would get ready in Taz’s room.

Of course, this was all pre-kiss so they hadn’t anticipated the icy silence that replaced the comfortable hangover babble from earlier.

Finally Taz broke it. “You can shower first.”

Buffy escaped thankfully to the bathroom and Taz switched on the radio, grateful that “What If” wasn’t playing. She had adored the song, but it made her think about Butterf—God damn it!—Buffy too much.

She sang along as she rummaged around looking for her underwear. Taz was a big believer that if she was only wearing one colour, her underwear should match too. She had some silver undies somewhere.

I talk to my baby on the telephone long distance
I never would have guessed I could miss some one so bad

I really only met her about a week ago
But it doesn’t seem to matter to my heart. I know

That I love her
I’m hoping that I never recover

Cos she’s good for me
And it would really make me happy
To never let her slip away

Taz sighed in annoyance. What was it with songs recently? Did everything have to be so sodding well apt? However, she didn’t turn the radio off.

I feel like a kid with a teenage crush on a school day
(On a school day afternoon)
I feel like the lead in Romeo and Juliet

I’m a little bit dizzy, I’m a little bit scared
I guess I never felt this much aware
That I love her

I’m hoping that I never recover
Cos she’s good for me
And it would really make me happy
To never let her slip away

“Hey.” Buffy looked embarrassed, she was wrapped up in only a small towel. Taz fought her traitorous eyes that couldn’t seem to look away.

“I didn’t want to put my clothes back on, they stink of smoke and tequila. Could I borrow something of yours?” She continued. “I know you hate me, but please.”

I really only met her about a week ago
But it doesn’t seem to matter to my heart. I know

Taz gulped, then opened her closet, looking for clothes for Buffy. At least it made her eyes look somewhere other than Buffy’s legs, chest, neck…

That I love her
I’m hoping that I never recover

Cos she’s good to me
And it would really make me happy
To never let her slip away

“Um, you can wear my robe.” Taz said, unable to concentrate on the search for clothes. She took the robe off the hanger and passed it to Buffy—yes, Buffy, not Butterfly!

“Thanks.” Their fingers touched as she handed the robe to her, Taz jumped back as if Buffy’s fingers would burn her like acid.

“Taz, I know you’re really pissed off at me, but I’m sorry. I really am.” Buffy told her. “I love you, and I’ll do anything to make you believe that.”

“Anything?” Taz asked.

Buffy nodded. “Anything.”

Taz looked at her sadly. “Then don’t mention this again.”

“Argh!” Taz ran out of the bathroom wearing only her underwear.

“Problem?” Buffy asked over the whir of the hairdryer.

“Ran out of hot water.” Taz snapped. “And I can’t find my clothes, and you’re wearing my only robe.”

Taz stood in front of her closet, trying to find something to wear temporarily until it was time to put on her bridesmaid gown, oblivious to a pair of green eyes following her every move.

Buffy knew she should look away, but couldn’t seem to do so. She took in Taz’s purple hair, slightly bedraggled and held away from her neck with a clip. Her eyes followed the smooth skin of her back, noticing something she hadn’t seen the last time Taz bounded around wearing only her underwear.

A tattoo. A purple butterfly.

“You’ve got a tattoo.” Buffy blurted. She knows I’ve been staring at her now. Oh well, maybe she’ll think I’m dedicated.

Taz looked over her shoulder at her. “Yeah, it was a present from Linds on my eighteenth birthday.”

“It’s a butterfly.” Buffy said, then kicked herself for the stupidity that was her brain this morning.

Taz turned to face her. “It was just a phase, my obsession with butterflies. I grew out of it.”

Buffy felt the tears forming in her eyes and quickly looked back to the mirror to continue drying her hair.

Somehow they made it to the church on time, and without killing one another. With a few hours being made up and having their hair done, the girls were concealing their hangovers well.

They were ushered to a small room and left to themselves for a few minutes.

Faith’s nerves were shot, she kept pacing and muttering anxiously, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Taz’s nerves were fine until Faith’s started acting up, and she was apt to pace also, every time Faith muttered something, Taz responded with “Well, don’t then.”

Buffy’s nerves were fine. Her emotions were not. She was torn between trying to calm down Taz and Faith. Every time she tried to cheer Faith up, Taz gave her a look like she was Satan’s backgammon partner, and every time she tried to boost Taz’s spirits Taz calmly turned her back.

“What if I flub my lines?” Faith worried.

“All weddings are the same, you just say ‘I do’ to every question.” Buffy reassured her.

Mrs Mac appeared with Taz and Lindsey’s two nieces and a glass of champagne for Taz, Faith and Buffy—who all downed it in seconds. The five year old twins were also bridesmaids. Mrs Mac was cheerfully oblivious to the bad atmosphere and managed to convince them to pose for some pre-wedding photos.

Then Mr Mac appeared with a camcorder and they had to pretend to be ecstatically happy for the sake of posterity, while the twins decided to try and hide under Faith’s skirt.

Buffy grinned, at least something about this wedding would be clichéd.

Moments before heading down the aisle, Buffy tried one last time to talk to Taz.

“Taz, I’m really sorry. I know you’re mad at me, but can you please forget that. I’m in love with you, and I thought you felt the same way. Can one kiss really change that?”

Taz shrugged awkwardly.

“Taz, please. Tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it. I don’t want to lose you.” Buffy added, trying not to cry and ruin two hours of immaculate make up work.

“I don’t know.” Taz muttered. “I don’t know that you’re not just rebounding from Faith. This is all really sudden.”

“I know.” Buffy agreed. “But I’m crazy about you. How can I prove it?”

Taz shrugged again. “I don’t think you can.”

“Ok, ladies! It’s showtime!” Mrs Mac called cheerfully.

They made their way up the aisle, Faith in front looking absolutely amazing, without the hint of a hangover in sight. Buffy was more concerned about falling over her long dress, but managed to walk without tripping over.

Everyone made the obligatory ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’. Mrs Mac burst into tears.

They took their positions to the side. Buffy took tiny glances at Taz out of the corner of her eye. Taz appeared to be fixated on her brother.

Buffy followed her line of sight. Lindsey looked awful. He looked far more terrified than Faith had earlier.

Buffy caught Taz’s eye and made a ‘is he ok?’ face, Taz shrugged looking genuinely worried.

The minister began his speech. “We are gathered here today to—”

Then it began to fall apart.

“I object.”

Chapter 23

Everyone turned to look at Lindsey. The minister eyed him reproachfully. “I didn’t get to that part yet.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” He said, turning to Faith. “I love you, I really do, but I don’t think I can go through with this… not today at least.”

The crowd began to murmur. Taz reached out and took Buffy’s hand, she held it so tight that Buffy thought her knuckles might pop.

Faith began to cry. “Why?” She asked, her voice husky.

He took her hand. “It’s not that I don’t love you. I do, more than anything in the world.”

“Then why?” She asked tearfully. “This is about our fight isn’t it? You haven’t forgiven me.”

“I have, I just think I need more time to think things out. Faith, I don’t want to marry you when I’m feeling like this. This is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, and I still feel confused. I love you. I still want to marry you, but I don’t think I can today.”

Faith wiped her eyes. “You couldn’t have mentioned this sooner?” She asked bitterly.

“I’m sorry. Maybe we should go somewhere and talk about this.”

Faith nodded, more in agreement with the decision to be elsewhere, than to actually talk.

The congregation began looking at each other in bafflement. Their question was quite obviously, ‘what do we do now?’.

Then Taz began to get a huge idea. She didn’t know if it was appropriate or not, but she didn’t care, it was now or never.

Women began to pick up their bags, ready to leave.

“Wait!” Taz called. She walked over to the minister. “You’re not marrying them,” she indicated to Faith and Lindsey. “Would you be prepared to marry another couple?”

“It’s a little unusual,” he mused. “But I suppose I could.”

Taz walked back over to Buffy. “Butterfly, you asked how you could prove that you love me, and I didn’t know. Now I do.” She took Buffy’s hand once more. “I’m asking you to marry me. I love you. Do you love me enough to do this?”

Buffy looked around slightly bemused. Leave it to Taz to turn a disaster into a movie style happy ending. Her eyes returned to Taz’s violet ones, they were filled with hope and love.

She thought about the past week. She had enjoyed every single moment of Taz’s company, but marriage? It was huge.

She knew she loved Taz. She loved her obsession with all things purple that went so far that she had violet contact lenses. She loved the way Taz laughed. She loved the way Taz tolerated her insane obsession with walls. She loved the way Taz referred to her as Butterfly. She loved the way that one good conversation with Taz could make her feel so much better about herself.

She loved her plain and simple.

Did she love her enough to marry her?

She found herself speaking. “I do.”

The reception was a little strange.

Faith and Lindsey found themselves ignoring their own problems and hurriedly writing speeches.

Guests found themselves congratulating a girl they had never met before on a wonderful day.

The caterers found themselves searching for another bride for the top of the cake.

Mr and Mrs Mac found that while they now had a daughter in law, it wasn’t the one they were expecting.

Taz and Buffy found themselves in a state of bewilderment. Neither was entirely sure how it had happened, but they were both thrilled.

Buffy was mildly terrified as to how her mother would react when she found out that not only had her daughter got married since she last saw her ten days ago, but to a woman.

Taz couldn’t stop shaking. It amused her that she had married a woman she had never even kissed before the service.

She watched as Buffy danced with Lindsey, he had a look of bemusement on his face. She smiled at him, it was probably a little strange to go from groom to best man in the space of several moments.

“C’mon, sis. Come dance, your wife has stolen my man.” Faith ordered her, dragging her to her feet.

Taz grinned and allowed herself to be pulled out on to the dance floor.

“You happy?” Faith asked.

“Yeah, very.” She admitted.

“Strangely, I am too. It wasn’t quite the day I had planned, but it was a good day. Just one thing, Linds and I are still going on honeymoon, you don’t get to steal that.”

Taz pouted, then grinned. “That’s ok. Butterfly and I are going up to the ranch, I’m going to teach her to ride.”

Faith wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“Horses! You gutter mind!” Taz laughed. “Although there will be plenty of gutter—which you’re not going to hear about!”

Faith laughed. “C’mon, let’s go cut in, I’m sure you want your Butterfly back.”

They danced over to Buffy and Lindsey. “I want my wife back.” Taz asserted.

Lindsey grinned and took Faith in his arms.

Taz and Buffy moved slowly to the music. “I love you.” Buffy whispered.

“I know.” Taz nodded. “I love me too.”

Buffy gave her a look. “There’s something I really need to know.”

Taz was worried by her serious tone. “Ok, what is it?”

“Well, it’s really important to me, and I’ve been wondering all week.”

“Go on.”

“In fact, I probably should have asked before we got married.”

Taz let out a strangled squeak.

Buffy grinned widely. “Taz, what’s your natural hair colour?”

Taz grinned back, then whispered in her ear. “I can’t tell you, it’s a state secret… I can show you though…”

Dearest Boss,

I Quit. I wish I could say that working for you has been a good experience, but I think I’ve lied to you enough. So instead, I’ll tell you the truth. I’ve hated every living minute working for you.

However, it has been a learning experience. I’ve learnt that I hate a lot of things:

I hate that snort you do every time you ask a question. I hate that you letch over every female in the office. I hate that you make us answer the phone with ten minutes’ worth of babble instead of just the company name. I hate your absurd filing system—there’s a reason why the alphabet’s a classic.

I hate the fact that you continually ask my breasts where the file you want is. They don’t know, they’re just mammary glands. Sexual harassment is illegal. I hate the way every female in your office will never move up the company, yet every moron with a penis receives a promotion within six months. I hate the homophobic attitudes of you, your family and most of your staff.

Which brings me on to the next item. The reason why I quit. I got married. To a woman. Something I’m sure you’ll never have the pleasure of. I’m going to be living with her from now on.

One more thing, I hate the fact you think my name is Bunny. And something I hate even more is that you let your lecherous brother refer to me as ‘Muffy’.

Sarcastic love and kisses,

Buffy Anne McDonald

(nee Summers)

PS: Did I mention my brother in law is a lawyer? Actually, to be specific, he’s the best lawyer in LA. Just thought I’d drop that in, just in case you were thinking of pursuing this.

Have a nice day.

“What are you doing?” A pair of lips made their way down Buffy’s neck.

Buffy squirmed enjoying the touch. “I’m emailing my old boss, just to make sure he knows I left.” She said, grabbing Taz’s roaming hands.

“Butterfly,” kiss, ooh, pulse points, naughty Taz. “It’s been four weeks since we got married.” Another kiss, on the other side of her neck. “I think the fact that you have neither shown up, nor called has given him a big enough clue.” Her hands escaped and began to explore her wife’s skin.

“I just want to be sure he knows.” Buffy responded, reaching behind her and pulling Taz closer, irritated by the seat back between them.

“Handy hint, wife. Don’t sit at the computer naked, it’s very distracting.” Taz’s hands would not stay still.

Buffy playfully slapped her hands. “I’m distracting? What about you? And you’re naked too.”

“You want me to stop?”


“Good.” Taz grabbed her hand and dragged her over to the bed.

“Taz, wait, must hit the send button before—”

Whatever she was about to say flew out of her head as Taz’s soft lips met hers.

It was several days before Buffy remembered to hit the send button on her email.

The Rules of the Challenge

The rules I played by

Must have:

  • Buffy tries to seduce Faith with a dance. Yep, that happened.
  • The two of them kiss only ONCE. It can be anywhere in the fic. Choose wisely. *grin*. Yep, that’s in there!
  • Buffy and the stud have a cat fight. A really pathetic one though cause remember guys, she’s NOT the slayer. It may happen
  • Buffy and Faith are in a sex shop and they are suddenly interested in some specific toys. NO, they don’t use them, they just goof around with them in the store making them get kicked out. Just not with each other. Remember Buffy’s sneezing fit?
  • a plastic Barbie ring being used as an engagement ring. Yes, right at the beginning
  • Buffy meets the ‘stud’s’ parents and they love her to pieces. Yep, Mr & Mrs Mac want Buffy to spend the summer with Taz horse riding. *grins*
  • Faith’s LAST NAME IS NOT SPENCER!!!!!! I wanna see what else you talented people can come up with. Um, hello, Winter is her surname.
  • someone regretting getting a tattoo. I think that Lost Slayers dealt with tattoos better than I could ever do again, but I did manage to get it in slightly.


  • Magic 8 ball. almost a big a star as Taz in this fic.

The rules that I didn’t play by:

Must have:

  • discussion about oral sex. Never got around to it. Maybe if I revise this fic *snort* it’ll find a place in there.


  • The girls fight over who’s hotter, SMG or Eliza Dushku. Was meant to happen.
  • Buffy plays a little peeping tom. couldn’t find a place for it.
  • Fortune teller. Ditto
  • Internet chatroom conversation. Did it in You’ve Got Mail (kinda)
  • hand painted portrait. How on earth was I supposed to fit that in?
  • food fight? Couldn’t be arsed.