Taz is having bad and lonely thoughts.



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Length: words

Over. It’s such a big word for only four letters.

End. That’s even shorter, but much bigger.

Hate. Another four letter word.

My life revolves around these three words now.

Over, me and Maya.

End, a continuation of Over.

Hate. Well, that one needs only a little more explanation. I hate the bitch who took Maya from me.

Really and truly. I can’t seem to get past it. They tell me I should. That Maya’s happy where she is and that I should move on and deal.

They tell me with varying shades of sympathy.

But I can’t. I just can’t get past it.

She can’t be happy where she is. I don’t care how much that bitch loves her, I love her more. I’ve never loved anyone but Maya. And I never will.

She’s mine.

Always and forever.

That’s what she told me.

We couldn’t get married because of the law, so we exchanged rings with our favorite people present. We pledged our love for each other.

Always and forever.

It was a wonderful day.

The sobs take over my body and I fall to the ground.

Why? Why did she leave? I should have been there. I could have…

Charlie takes me in his arms. I didn’t even realize he was here.

“Taz, shhh!” He soothes me gently.

He knows better than to call me Tazzie now. Only Maya is allowed.

I’ll never be Tazzie again.

I remember how jealous Maya was of Charlie. Of the friendship we shared.

Does she remember?

Does she think of all those times I vanished with Charlie rather than stay with her?

Is this my punishment?

“Taz, it’s ok,” he tells me. Empty words.

“No it’s not!” I could go on for hours telling him why it’s not, but he already knows.

“Let me take you home. You shouldn’t be here.”

“I want to be near her,” I tell him.

He glances around the cemetery. “This isn’t the place for that.”

He picks me up in his arms and carries me to the car where Adam’s waiting.

They were worried. It occurs to me that I’ve been here for hours.

Hours of trying to work out why Maya happened to be in the path of a drunk driver.

Hours of trying to work out if I could have saved her.

And hours of trying to work out if I could forgive God for taking her away from me.

Because God is a bitch.