Need To Destroy

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This is a series of short fics set after the events in “Consequences”. Imagine Buffy walked Faith home instead of running off to Giles that night. This is my take on what might have happened. The titles are lyrics from “Need To Destroy” by THC.

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Notes: Set after “Don’t Show Me Your Weakness”, where instead of going home like a good little Slayer, Buffy actually finished the job and stayed with Faith. I’ve just realised that Kitty’s done a fic kinda along the same lines. This wasn’t an intentional copy, and besides, they are different.

Don’t Show Me Your Weakness

Notes: I’m gonna try and keep this short. The title is a line from Need To Destroy by THC.

“Oh no, this is no good at all.”

Trick gave Buffy one last look before turning to dust. She met the dark empty eyes of her sister Slayer through the falling dust.

She reached out to touch Faith’s arm, but Faith jerked back as if it would burn.

Miles to go before we could be friends, she thought sadly, retracting her hand.

Faith bit her lip as if considering something very carefully. She eventually seemed to come to a conclusion. “I’ll walk you home.” She said coldly.

Buffy nodded and fell in step with the younger girl. The tension stretched taut between them. If she said the wrong thing, it could snap and hurt the both of them.

Faith brought forth a pack of smokes and lit up.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Buffy said. Keep it cool, nothing too intense, see if we can get a conversation going.

“Yeah, well…” Faith tailed off and kept walking.

This was going to be a lot harder than she thought. But she wasn’t going to give up.

While she was wracking her brains for something non-threatening to say she didn’t notice the vamp hiding in the bushes.

Faith did though, pulling the vamp out of her hiding place by her long purple hair. She staked it quickly and efficiently, not going for her usual round of beatings before dusting it.

She noticed Buffy staring at her. “She interrupted the quiet.” She told her with a shrug.

Buffy nodded once more, and they resumed walking.

“Faith, I’m going to have to interrupt our quiet time.” She said softly, not knowing what she was going to say next.

“No, B. No more Alan. Not tonight.”

Buffy noticed that Faith used the guy’s name, reasoning that some part of Faith was dealing with what had happened.

“Ok, we won’t talk about Alan.” Buffy agreed. “We’ll talk about me.”

Faith began to object, but Buffy overrode her, with the words, “Faith, I’ve killed a man.”

Faith blinked, her mouth worked, but no sound came out.

Buffy carried on. “His name was Ted. He was my mother’s boyfriend.”

“Nobody said anything.” Faith said finally. “You’ve killed a man, and here we are psychoanalysing Faith, chaining me up, the Watchers Council kidnap me and try to take me to England to jail to rot and Miss Perfect here has already killed someone!”

“Faith, calm down.” Buffy pleaded. “He was a robot.”

“Oh.” Faith said abruptly.

Buffy began walking and was pleased to see that Faith followed. “Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. We didn’t know until he came back from the dead. But for those few hours, I felt…” She tailed off. She felt the way she was feeling right now.

“Like…” Faith whispered.

“The way I feel now.” Buffy told her.

Faith suddenly looked up. “Hey, we’re here.” She said with obvious relief. “I thought I was walking you home. Not the other way round.”

Buffy smiled. “I’ll be fine walking myself home.”

“Night, B.” Faith gave Buffy a ghost of a smile, as she unlocked her door.

“Night, Faith. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

Faith closed the door and sat down on her bed. She sighed. Maybe she could get through this. If Buffy could…

Yes, but Buffy had her little Scooby Gang.

Faith tried to ignore the voice that had made her push Buffy away earlier. That had made her pretend she didn’t care about that gu—about Alan. His name was Alan.

And Buffy had a get out of jail free card. She didn’t actually kill anyone. He wasn’t human. The voice added smugly.

Faith shook her head. She couldn’t do this alone.

But you are alone.

Faith jumped to her feet and opened her front door. “Buffy!” She called to the blonde’s retreating back.

Buffy turned and gave her a half smile. “Yeah?”

“You wanna come in?”

“Sure.” She walked back to Faith, and reached out and took her hand.

This time Faith didn’t flinch.

You Might Become Something I Need

Buffy sat in class, drumming her pencil absently. She had hardly caught a wink of sleep, she and Faith had spent the night… well, she wasn’t sure what they had done. The hadn’t talked, not about any of the important stuff. Faith’s mood had gone from prickly to flat-out icy queen.

All the same, Buffy felt like she was making progress. Twice she had managed to steer the conversation towards Alan Finch, but then again, Faith had managed to avoid it twice.

Buffy sighed loudly, unfortunately catching the attention of the teacher. Ms Ericson. Buffy hated people who used Ms, it was like they couldn’t admit they were old and unmarried.

“Miss Summers, perhaps you could enlighten us?”

Buffy goggled at the blackboard and the bizarre symbols written on it.

“Sorry.” She said blankly.

“It’s a pretty easy formula,” Ms Ericson said sternly. “Providing you’ve been listening.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve just got more important things on my mind than physics right now.” Buffy snapped, then coloured, she hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“That’s a good thing. Since we’re studying chemistry.” Ms Ericson glared. “See me after class.”

Buffy left the campus at lunch time, neither clearing it with Giles or Wesley. She didn’t even bother to tell Willow or Xander. She doubted they would understand. In fact, she was certain of it.

She made it to Faith’s motel room in record time. She didn’t get an answer when she knocked, so she made her way around to the window. She cleared a patch in the grime and looked in. Well, Faith definitely wasn’t there, but her stuff still was. Which hopefully meant that Faith hadn’t skipped town.

“You checking up on me?” Faith asked aggressively from behind her.

Buffy turned to face her, flustered. “No… I… Well, I… uh. I didn’t get an answer.”

“I went out to get lunch.” Faith told her. “See?” She held a McDonalds bag aloft. “I didn’t realise I needed to clear it with you.”

“You don’t!” Buffy said hastily, then faltered. “I just came to see if you were ok.”

“You came to check I hadn’t skipped town.” Faith deduced. “You’re not my babysitter.”

“No, I’m not. Babysitters get paid.” Buffy replied without thinking.

She didn’t get a smile, but the corners of Faith’s mouth moved up slightly. “You wanna share this? I think I got too much.” Without waiting for an answer, Faith turned and walked into her room.

Buffy blinked a few times, then followed her.

“And you were planning to eat all this?” Buffy asked, as Faith began sorting out burgers, fries and various sachets of sauce.

“Yeah, well, I was hungry.”

“You’re not now?” Buffy questioned.

“All my life I’ve heard that this sharing crap is good for the soul. I figure now’s probably the best time ever to give it a shot.” Faith laughed, but it was clear she didn’t find it was funny.

“I’m here for you, Faith.”

Faith met her eyes sharply, but Buffy didn’t look away. “I don’t need your pity, B.”

“Well, good. Because that’s not what’s on offer. You’ve got my friendship.” Buffy snapped back.

Faith softened slightly, then her mask of indifference slipped smoothly back. “Red ditch you?”

“Jesus Faith! Why are you determined to make this so hard for us?”

“Hard for us?” Faith replied. “There is no ‘us’, twinkie. There’s you and your precious Scooby gang, and then there’s me.”

“If that’s what you think…” Buffy got to her feet and headed for the door. Her hand touched the handle before she stopped, and turned back to Faith. She sighed. “I’m not going anywhere. Sorry, Faith. You’re stuck with me. It doesn’t matter what you think.”

Buffy took a seat on the bed once more. “Nice try though.” She added.

Faith smirked slightly. “So, you’re here. What now? You wanna listen to all my thoughts? You wanna hear about my childhood and work out why I’m such a screw up now?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Faith. We’ve got all the time in the world. You could stop being so aggressive though. I’m trying to help you.”

“Help me? What am I, a little project for you? So what, a guy got caught in the crossfire. It’s sad, yeah, but if you look at the big picture I’m not exactly Jack The Ripper. It was an accident.”

“I know that. Jesus!” Buffy sighed deeply. “You forget, I know what you’re going through. I was there too. And Giles told me it’s happened before.”

“It has?” For the first time, Faith’s face cleared. She wasn’t wearing her permanent scowl.

“Yeah.” Buffy told her. “It has. So we can deal with this. You’re not a murderer, we both know that.” Then she added the clincher. “And if you were, I’m an accomplice, your accessory. I was there. I keep thinking if I’d just reached out and grabbed your hand…”

Faith made herself meet Buffy’s eyes, and she slowly reached out to touch her arm. “I keep thinking…” She took a shaky breath. “I keep thinking if I was more like you it wouldn’t have happened.”

“It was an accident.”

Faith wrenched her hand back and started pacing.

Buffy stood quickly. “Don’t put those walls back up, Faith. It doesn’t make you weak to care. It makes you stronger.”

“I don’t think I can deal with this.” Faith admitted, running her hands through her hair.

“You don’t have to. Not by yourself. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Faith stared at her, wondering what Buffy saw that was worth saving. She noticed her hands were shaking, and hurriedly stuffed them in her pockets.

“Help me, B.” She said finally.